


The Five Stages

by Imzadi_Deanna



Series: Star Trek Bingo 2020 [6]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/F, Fem!Trek, Femslash, Happy Ending, Suicide mentions, Time loop closer in resemblance to Russian doll than groundhog day, genderbent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:20:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26204083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imzadi_Deanna/pseuds/Imzadi_Deanna
Summary: “I punched you.” Lenora said, all the strength gone from her voice, as well as her arm muscles as she struggled to hold up the thin sliver of ice against Jim’s face.“Yeah, we’ve established that.”“I punched you, Jim. I punched you so hard we fucking died again.”Jim paused. Good eye meeting Lenora’s, tongue darting out to lick her lips before saying. “Well. Not something you can put on your resume. But that’s a pretty neat trick.”
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Series: Star Trek Bingo 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1882945
Comments: 9
Kudos: 19
Collections: Star Trek Bingo Summer 2020





	1. Chapter 1

Len took another swig of the cheap home brew this shitty little bar called its specialty. Fighting the urge to wrinkle her nose as the bubbles (god why were there so many bubbles in her beer- disgusting! It wasn’t a damn coke!) slid along the roof of her mouth. She could feel the beginnings of a headache starting to throb at her temples, making her grit her teeth as she forced herself to swallow more. 

She slammed the bottle down, unfocused eyes refusing to cooperate as the children in their brand new sparkling red uniforms moved and danced around her. The fucking brats had no respect for anyone that wasn’t part of their little organisation, not even to give up one of the chairs they were all hogging so a women could rest her damn feet. Just because she was wearing heels didn’t mean she wanted to be standing around all night. She wanted to sit, relax, and get fantastically drunk.

Maybe she should have gone somewhere else.

She was way too old to be here and -cringing around another mouthful of her beer- way too sober to be drinking this cheap shit. The low, thrumming music feeling like it was pounding in time with her growing headache. God, she was a mess. 

“Can I get a whisky double? Hold the ice.” She yelled out to the bartender who had been giving her a questioning look. 

“Make that two, I’ll pay.” A voice called out from her left.

Oh god, what underaged looking brat was going to be trying to feel her up now. She let her head roll to the side, already getting ready to verbally spank someone. Only to lock eyes with one of the most stunning women she’d seen in her life.

“No.” She managed to choke out, unsure what to say now that all her insults were gone from her mind like they’d be sucked out with a syringe. “My drink is on me. I’ve had a bad couple of months and I’m in no mood to play nice.”

“That’s a shame. Your voice is as pretty as you look. I wouldn’t mind hearing more of it.” The woman slid up closer to her, leaning on the bar.

Lenora snorted, bringing her beer up to act almost as a barrier. “Nice try. I know I’m a damn mess and none of your sweet words are gonna change facts.” 

“I wouldn’t say a mess.” The woman leaned back, letting her eyes roam down and back up Lenora’s body. Pupils seeming abnormally wide and face flushed.“You look like everyone else here, young and just wanting to have a good time.”

“Young. Right.” Lenora wasn’t so easy as to fall for basic flattery. 

“You are.” The women insisted, stepping closer. Fuck she was pretty, her easy smile making Lenora feel like there were butterflies in her stomach.“Can’t be much older than twenty seven, I’d put money on it.”

“You’d lose. I’m twenty eight, kid.” She threw in the last comment. Hoping she was wrong.

The woman smiled at her. “You ain’t old and I ain’t no kid. I’ll have you know I happen to be twenty three.”

“Ok, so you’re a kid who can legally drink. Big deal.” 

“Even better, I have a job and my own place. I’d like to see if half the cadets here can claim that.” She gestured to the sea of red around them. She definitely had a point. Starfleet recruits did tend to be young. Young enough that they weren’t leaving much behind when they shipped off to the academy. 

“Only a job? By your age I was starting my own practice.” She couldn’t help but brag. That place had been her pride and joy. Even if she’d had to have a baby to get it.

“Practice. Oh, so are you a doctor or a lawyer then?” She took another step forward, close enough that Lenora could smell her perfume.

Well. Smell that she’d clearly been working with an engine before coming here. 

Lenora’s not sure when the smell of motor oil didn’t want to make her gag. Must just be one of those strange coincidences. 

“Doctor. Specialised in surgery at ole miss’ university.” She knows for a fact that her accent gets abhorrent when she talks about her old haunt, unable to stop the fondness creeping into her tone.

“Where are you from? That accent and those peachy cheeks of yours are giving me a strong Georgia vibe.” With the look the woman gave her body she’s sure she wasn’t talking about the cheeks on her face.

Lenora was also pretty sure the force of her eye roll caused a tornado in the next county. 

“Listen, Kid.” She went to knock the smooth talker down a few pegs. Definitely not wanting to get anymore personal than they already had. “I’ve had a very long, hard few months. I’m in no mood to be another notch on your bedpost, or fun little toy you can play with until you get bored, and go after the next shiny thing that catches your eye. Why don’t you go back to whatever little friends of yours dared you to harass the old woman brooding at the bar. You can tell them whatever you need to save face. Ok?” 

“Wow. You come up with all that just now or have you found a few people to practice it on.” The brat didn’t take the hint. 

“Like I said, I’m in no mood.” She gave the woman a smile that had as many teeth as her voice had degrees of sickly sweet sarcasm laced into it. Grabbing her whisky and turning to leave, hoping to find another dark corner she could brood in.

“No wait,” The stranger's hand darted out and grabbed her by the elbow, causing her to almost spill the precious drink in her hand. “I’m sorry, you just looked a bit lone-“

“Is this bitch bothering you, ma’am?” 

Both women turned to look at the group of burly cadets that had moved in front of them, effectively blocking Lenora's strategic exit from the area. She’s not entirely sure that wasn’t their intention.

The biggest of the lot stepped forward into their shared personal space. “I don’t think she wants your filthy hands on her, Jennifer.” 

“Oh, know my name huh?” Jim mocked him. Releasing Lenora’s elbow once she had pulled her back to the bar. Placing herself in between Lenora and the man. “I actually go by Jim. what’s yours?” She looked him up and down, sizing him up like you would a pig in the marketplace. 

“Cupcake?” 

“It’s Hendorff, actually.” The man cracked his knuckles, raising his shoudlers in a bid to look even more intimidating then he already was.

If anyone asked Lenora’s opinion, it was definitely working. She was already thinking of ways to deescalate the situation. 

A thought Jim apparently did not share.

“Hendorff. Hen-door-eff. Hmm, can’t say it sounds familiar.” Jim tapped her fingers on her chin before clicking her fingers, “Oh, I got it. Do you know Chloe, by any chance?” 

By the smirk on Jim’s face and the vein throbbing in Hendorff’s head. It wasn’t hard to work out where this was going to go.

“Your silence is telling.” Jim continued to mock, stretching her hand out to pick an imaginary speck of dirt off Hendorff’s uniform. “I’m in no mood to play though, Cupcake. So. Why don’t you run along, then the adults can keep talking.”

Hendorff shoved Jim’s hand away, reaching forward and grabbing her by her Jacket, almost lifting her off the floor as he pulled her towards him.

“Maybe you should learn when to shut your mouth, Jennifer.”

“Oh? Your girlfriend didn’t mind my mouth.” The person apparently named Jennifer gave the brute a look that could rival her own sickly sweet one from earlier. “In fact, she loved my whole mouth so much she kept using hers to scream out my name.”

Hendorff let go of the front of Jennifer’s shirt and punched her in the side of the head, causing her to fly backwards into the bar. Catching herself quickly she pushed herself forward, using the momentum to slam her fist in the side of his face.

Lenora jumped out of the way as Jennifer used the momentum of one of the men to slam him against the bar.There was loud scraping all around them as chairs fell to the ground, people darting around and the cacophony of noise around them jumping to a fever pitch as the crowd formed a circle around the fighters.

“That the best you got?” Jennifer mocked as she kicked Hendorff in the crotch. Not catching the man who slammed his fist into the back of her head, propelling her forward and over a table. 

She was up in a second. Having grabbed a bottle and throwing it at the man advancing on her, before running around and jumping on Hendorff’s back, he threw himself forward trying to shake her off as she rained punches against his ear, throwing off his balance. 

“Jennifer. Jennifer, stop.” Lenora called out, hesitating to jump in. Unsure who she should actually help.

His friend pulled her off, throwing her to the ground and trying to stomp her like a bug. Missing by inches as she threw herself to the side, scrambling to get back up.

She was fast, almost a blur to the eyes- though Lenora was quite drunk at this point. Having trouble keeping her eyes focused on all the action going on around her. God, she was going to be sick if she kept moving her head around so much.

“Enough!” She tried to call out. “You’re members of Starfleet for fucks sake. Jennifer!” 

Jennifer was shoved into her, pushing them both into the bar and knocking the wind out of her. 

“It’s Jim, actually.” Pushing herself up and grabbing Lenora's beer off the table Jim used that to slam it against one of the man's heads, effectively knocking him out. “And I’m not a part of starfleet. But you can keep screaming my name if you like.” She leaned back into her as she said it, close enough that, if Lenora could focus her eyes, she would have been able to count the dozens of freckles on Jim’s face. 

Lenora shoved Jim out of her personal space, the smell of the alcohol on her breath feeling like it was burning Lenora's eyes. 

Unfortunately, Hendorf caught her around the middle, using the momentum to throw her down on a table. His friend, the one still conscious, wasting no time in pinning her arms down as the man that was easily twice Jim’s size rained his fist down on her. 

Lenora Jumped in quickly. Trying to stop his arms but it was like trying to stop a moving train. She screamed at them that she had clearly had enough, and couldn't the bastards see that they were hurting her? She’s covered in her own blood for fuck sake!

A loud whistle made Lenora's vision blur. For a long moment she thought she was going to faint, the throbbing in her skull turning into a sharp pain that made her rub furiously at her temples in a vain effort to soften whatever knife was clearly wedging itself under her skull.

“ -ll of you, now!” 

Lenora's brain kicked back in to hear the end of what the man was shouting, jumping back and pressing herself against the bar as the cadets in the room swarmed to the only exit, moving like a sea of red, jumping over fallen chair and more mess than Lenora was sure could have been created with just that fight- bunch of disgusting brats.

Steadying herself with a hand on the bar, and cursing the fact she wore heels, Lenora leaned down to pick up one of the bar stools that had fallen down. 

About time she got that damn seat.

She turned back to the bar, seeing her drink- and apparently Jim’s- had somehow managed to survive unscathed. Surprised she had forgotten about it at all. She picked up both glasses, finishing one in a single gulp before cradling the other close to her chest. 

She was assuming if the starfleet officer wanted her out as well he’d say something. She wasn’t a member of his organisation, after all. And he technically had no right to order her around.

Plus. It was nice and quiet now all the brats had been forced to leave.

She couldn’t help looking over occasionally, however. Watching as Jim picked herself off the table, shoving napkins up her nose to stop the bleeding, accepting the ice that the man handed over, using her other hand to begin picking out bits of glass from her hair.

At first their conversation didn’t carry far enough over for her to hear. She tried to not look too interested as she shifted around; her ear pointed directly at them as she slowed her breathing. Eye looking over as far as possible to take in the scene.

“Y’know I couldn’t believe it when the bartender told me who you are.” 

‘Oh. And who I am, Captain Pike?“ 

Shit that was the Captain Pike? They were distracted. They wouldn’t notice her edging her seat around to look, thank god for swivel bar stools. 

“Your father's daughter.” 

Jim rolled her eyes, head moving with the force. Eyes meeting Lenora’s across the room. Zeroing in on the drink in her hand. She thinks Jim might have raised her eyebrow at her, but it's hard to tell with how much swelling there was. 

Lenora raised the glass of whisky to her lips and took a deliberate sip, knowing Jim was watching. Before turning back around on her chair. Wondering why she was bothering to hang around. It’s not like this place was going to be open for much longer. 

“Why are you talking to me man.”

“Cause I looked up your file while you were drooling over the table. Your aptitude tests are off the charts. So what is it? You like being the only genius level repeat offender in the Midwest?”

“Maybe I love it.”

If she didn’t already know Jim was a ton of trouble in a five foot whatever container. That was all the confirmation she needed. It’s not like she had even made that great an impression, some drunk pick up lines and then picking a fight with the biggest guy here. Not exactly swoon worthy. 

It’s not like she’s the greatest catch either, a dark thought passed through her head. 

The headache, that hadn’t gotten any better- even with her violently ignoring its existence- throbbed behind her eyes. Reminding her that she’d probably had too much to drink.

She finished the rest of the drink in a single gulp, flagging the bartender down for another. Before surreptitiously looking back over at the pai.

“You must really be scraping the bottom of the barrel here.”

“Y’know your father was a hero, saved hundreds of lives including you and your mothers.” Pike reached across the table and stole the rest of Jim’s drink. Chucking it back and letting the liquid slide down his throat in the smoothest move Lenora had ever seen. “I dare you to do better.”

Pikes eyes met hers across the room, winking at her and saying loudly, “You’re more than welcome to help her, DrMcCoy.”

She scowled at him, how the fuck did he know who she was. And how did he know to use her maiden name. Starfleet was full of creeps- that apparently didn’t change once they were no longer just cadets.

“Shuttle for new recruits leaves at oh eight hundred sharp.”

And with that he was gone, not looking back as he strolled out of the trashed room. A hand trailing on one of the few upright tables and grabbing a chip off the plate. She could have sworn she heard him call out ‘undercooked. Gotta give it longer, Morrison.’ But she couldn’t be sure.

It took her longer than it should have to realise the mess of a person who had caused this whole nightmare was staring at her. Glaring.

Well, again, maybe that’s just because her face was swollen.

Mentally, she catalogued her wounds, the swelling could indicate microfractures in her orbital bone. Her nose wasn’t as centered as it had been. Her lip split- the tongue darting out to lick along the wound doing more harm than good as it caused it to start spilling blood again. 

Lenora wanted to grab a napkin and staunch the flow where Jim had missed with her earlier ministrations. Press her fingers to the abused flesh to see if there was any actual damage.

No. That wasn’t her place. 

She was still being stared down. She had to do something.

She opened her mouth to say something.

“You look like one of those medical skeletons, just slouching there. In the corner.” The woman spat at her. “Like your limbs are too big for your body and they just kinda exist there, awkwardly in the corner of the classroom. You even do that stupid gap looking thing with your jaw. Of course their excuse is . . . They're dead. You’re just stupid looking.”

Lenora felt the anger that had been burning inside her over the last few years rage forward. Who did this asshole think she was. 

“And you look like the fucking mince meat they use to serve in an old fashion butcher shop.” She practically shouted. “If your face was any more tenderised, it would be slipping off your bones!”

With that said -shouted, whatever- Lenora stalked out, hands shaking at her sides even with her fist clenched tight. Ignore Jim’s call of “Later, Bones.” Knowing if she didn’t she was gonna finish what Hendorff had so kindly started for her.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


She did stop until she had reached the overpriced shithole of a hotel she was staying at. Having to push through the crowd of cadets that were hanging out in the lobby, like a bunch of teenagers in the parking lot of a liquor store. Jim was right when she said starfleet must have been really scraping the bottom of the barrel to enlist this bunch. 

She avoided the elevators, seeing how many cadets were jamming in at a time. Taking the stairs at a steady pace, her hands gripping the rail hard as she struggled to pull her feet up each step, feeling like she was wobbling all over the place.

She kept replaying Pike’s words in her head. Did he mean that she should help fix Jim up? Or that . . That maybe she should join starfleet too. That there was a place for her there. 

How else would he have known her maiden name?

It’s not like she had anywhere else she could go. Couldn’t go back to Georgia. Couldn’t go back to the practice she had poured her blood sweat and tears into building. Couldn’t see her baby girl unless she wanted the wrath of the single most bloodthirst lawyers ever to practice to descend on her like the vultures they were.

They’d talked to her once . . Before everything went to shit.

She tripped on the landing. Slamming down hard on her hands. The scratchy carpet cutting into her palms as they slid along the abrasive fabric. Her knee throbbed painfully as she picked herself back up, blood causing her grip on the railing to be slippery. Fuck, she was a mess. 

Starfleet wouldn’t want her.

There was a trashy mess like Jim Kirk seemed to be. Then there was her. A fuck up. A person who had to live with the guilt of what she had done. A person whose own family didn’t want nothing more to do with her.

Lenora wasn’t sure if her breathing was coming out as harsh gasps because of the seemingly never ending stairs to the fourteenth floor or because she was beginning to have another panic attack.

She didn’t think the solution this time would be to find a bar to get outrageously drunk in, to forget about her problems.

She reached her door, head feeling like it was floating away in the clouds as she struggled to pull air in- an almost thankful reprieve from the headache that had been pounding at her skull.

She fumbled several times with the (so fucking outdated, seriously, when was this place built?) keycard until her door swung open, Lights coming on automatically as she slammed the door shut behind her.

She reached down, almost falling over again and tearing off her shoes, slamming them violently against the wall, unsure why she had even bothered to get dressed up to be a depressed mess at the bar. Could she even really blame Jim for picking up the signals she’d been throwing down by wearing stupid fucking heels. 

Her arms felt numb as they raised up and began pulling her hair out of the ponytail she had thrown it in. Fingers catching on knots,making her more and more frustrated as it pulled on her aching scalp, the alcohol and lightheadedness not enough now to dull the throbbing headache that had been steady build since Jim Kirk opened her fucking mouth and ruined her night.

She felt her wedding ring snag on a particularly bad knot. She tugged roughly, trying to free it with force. 

Her head moved with it, twinging her neck at the rough treatment. Making her feel like the headache was beginning to run down her body. Frustration and panic running through her to the tips of her fingers.

She growled, stomping her foot and wanting to scream and swear until the good lord himself came down to tell her to stop. Her eyes fell on the kitchen counter, the pair of scissors she had used earlier sitting pretty, even seeming to shine in the harsh light of the room.

She grabbed them roughly, her cut open palm stinging and she forced her fingers into the holes, ripping the blades open and slamming them up against her other hand, barely registering how the sharp blades grazed her palm, but hearing the noise of it cutting through her hair like an old fashioned gunshot in a otherwise silent room. 

It caused her to pause, taking a deep breath for what felt like the first time in minutes. She lowered her hand, seeing the long chunks she had cut off with her actions, still caught on her ring. 

She had told Jason how impractical a big diamond was, how it would interfere with her work, get caught up on absolutely everything. But he liked the look of it, said how people could see it from mars. And wasn’t that the point of a ring? To be shown off. A clear sign you were off the market. 

He’d asked for it back.

She hadn’t been able to part with it yet.

She tried to pull the hair out from the ring. Not dropping the scissors as she fiddled with the knots. Seeming to make it worse. 

She felt herself beginning to shake, brief calm being eclipsed by her growing despair as she felt angry hot tears slide down her face, obscuring her vision, she blinked hard and shook her head, causing more of her hair to fall in front of her face, obscuring her view of the stupid, fucking ring more.

She screamed again, sure she could hear someone banging on the walls of her tiny room as she tore the ring off her finger, throwing it towards the open window of her balcony as she grabbed the hair in front of her face and began to hack at it. Throwing it to the ground as it was removed from her head, she grabbed at the untouched sections at the back of her head, forcing her arms up and hacking and throwing it around like confetti as she struggled to breath. 

She rubbed at her face, causing hair to stick to her nose and cheeks because of all the damn snot and tears, the scissors clunking her on the head in the process. She tossed them down as well, catching sight of herself for the first time in the mirror.

She was a fucking mess, mascara down her face and hair looking like she’d stuck her head in a wood chipper. She needed to calm down. She needed air. 

She rushed to the balcony, door bouncing against the frame as she threw it open and pushed herself out as far as she could. Breathing in deep and feeling the cool air of the night against her overheated skin. 

She was ok. Everything was fine. Everything was GOING to be fine. She still had her health.

She still had her medical license. 

She still had holocalls to her baby. They had allowed her that much at least. 

She. . . She maybe had starfleet. 

She couldn’t practice medicine on earth anymore. Jason had made sure of that. But. Maybe she could get a posting off planet. Somewhere we’re even Jason's lawyers wouldn’t dare challenge her.

She leaned out further, arms straining as her hip bones pressed against the metal of the bar. She wasn’t worried about falling, sure the safety protocols would catch her.

Standing on her tiptoes to learn out as far as possible, reaching forward for another lung full of the sweet, cold air. The faint smell of motor oil reaching her nose even though she was so high up.

She could go with starfleet. She could start over . . she could . . . could. . . Join up with all those fucking kids and the mess that was Jim Kirk. 

No. She couldn’t join starfleet. It was too late for her. Besides, knowing her luck she’d be the line in the sand for them. The mess they just straight up wouldn’t accept. 

She . . . She just needed more air.

What could starfleet really do for her anyway. Fuck starfleet. She’d be fine. She didn’t need anyone else dictating her life to her.

She pushed herself impossible more forward. Mouth open and, unfortunately, reminding herself of the shitty comment Jim had made about her being a medical skeleton. She gritted her teeth, still sucking in as much air as possible. Shaking her head to remove the hair that was getting in the way of the cold breeze on her skin.

She learned even further forward, toes now just brushing against the tiles.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jim Kirk was regretting not grabbing the motorcycle outside of the bar- it was a beauty, an MX-07, just like her dad used to have. Maybe she could have picked up a pretty girl on it and turned her night around. 

Jim snorted. 

Yeah. Right.

She walked along the streets, ignoring the taunts of the cadets she’d pissed off when she’d gotten them all kicked out at the bar, she gave one of the ones who spat down at her a rude gesture that was banned on several federation planets. 

Still thinking it was worth it when said cadet threw his shoes down at her. 

Wouldn’t these cadets be pissed if she showed up tomorrow, in all her bloody glory, and sat down next to them in the shuttle. See them look down their noses at her when she did just as well, if not even better, then them in classes. She could. She wasn’t stupid. 

Then she could get out of this town, do something with her life, see the universe. . .

By being captain of a fucking starship. 

No. No she couldn’t. 

God her mother would have a fit if she knew Jim was even thinking about it.

Besides, she has stability here. She has a job. Frank was long gone so the farmhouse was all hers. Even if she had to work damn near every day, just to stay on top of the debt he’d left her.

She has everything she would have killed for not even ten years ago.

She had what she had killed for.

She shook her head, as if she could shake that train of thought right out of her ears. Running a hand through her blonde hair to brush it away from her face, fingers catching in what was no doubt congealed blood knots in her hair. Gross.

She sucked the building snot and blood back before spitting it out on the ground, causing the wound that had finally clotted to rip back open again, blood pouring down and out of her nose. Whoops.

She needed to clean up. Go home. 

She shouldered passed a group of cadets that were blocking the sidewalk. Hanging around like they fucking owned the place. She had to step into the gutter, into a puddle of god knows what, to get around the entitled assholes when they ignored her shoving. Giving them the same gesture she’d given the dickbag earlier.

If she could walk in a straight line right now she’d be turning back and giving them a piece of her mind. Yet another reason not to join starfleet. All the pretentious assholes who thought she should kiss their feet just for existing in their presence. When they couldn’t even take a decent punch or, as it turns out, pleasure their partners.

Jim laughed to herself, Chloe had been fun. Almost worth the beating she got for calling her up again just to see how many more times she could make her scream her name in that bar bathro-

Hello.

Jim’s eyes caught sight of a diamond ring glittering pretty in the light. The obnoxiously big rock seeming so out of place on the disgusting street, Jim would have thought she was dreaming if it wasn’t for the throbbing of her whole body.

If that wasn’t enough to convince her she was awake the violent agony that ripped through her rib cage as she bent to pick it up would have. They were definitely cracked at the very least. That was going to make work hard tomorrow.

Though going off the size of the rock she’d just found. Maybe work wasn’t a problem anymore. Hell maybe she could even book passage on a cruiser with the money she got from hocking this. Her luck was finally turning around. Fuck starfleet, she didn’t need that uptight, do gooder, bullshit of an organization to give her life meaning. She’d do what she always did. And she was going to thrive god dammit. 

Her last thought was one full of hope, as a solid weight from above slammed her into the ground. 


	2. Chapter 2

Lenora choked on the alcohol sliding down her throat, body convulsing in on itself as she struggled to breath. She was vaguely aware of hands on her back, shouting, someone dabbing at her face with a napkin. 

She was in the bar. 

She looked around with her watery eyes, the place was as packed as it had been . . . Yesterday? 

No. No something was wrong. Where was her room, she’d just been on the balcony?

Why the fuck was she back in the bar?

Lenora paused. Hand tightening around the neck of the bottle she was holding. The sensation felt wrong against her hand, she looked down . . . She wasn’t wearing her ring. 

The people were still trying to get her attention. 

“I’m fine.” She answered the first question she heard. Still coughing slightly, furiously blinking away the tears in her eyes. “Went down the wrong pipe is all.”

“You heard the lady give her some space.” A familiar voice piped up to her left. 

Looking over, Lenora came face to face with Jim. Again. 

Not a single mark on her delicate looking face. 

“Keep that mouth wide open and I’m gonna be tempted to stick my fingers in it, Bones.” She gave her a look just as lecherous as the night before. Earlier? Yet? Fuck she was confused. “Now you look like a medical skeleton that’s had the fright of its undead life.”

“You. What. What the fuck is going on?” She said in a frantic voice. 

“What happened to your hair?” Jim asked back. 

Lenora reached up, fingers trailing through the jagged strands of her hair that now barely brushed her shoulders, the hacking she had done at it last night leaving it lopsided and unevenly layered. “I cut it. Apparently.” 

“Apparently. Do you not remember doing it?”

“Yes I remember doing it, I did it like ten minutes ago. Answer my fucking question.” Lenora felt the same anger rise in her again. The god damn brat in front of her just knowing the exact right buttons to push. 

“What makes you think I know anymore than you do?” 

“Then why are you so damn calm.” She demanded to know.

“I’m not. I’m just not freaking the fuck out like you are. Calm down.” Jim said, arms raised in a placating gesture.

Lenora leaned heavily against the bar, hand still playing with her short hair, looking up and over at Jim, “I may throw up on you.”

“Gross.”Jim wrinkled her nose. Signally the bartender over and ordering them single shots of whiskey. “Wait until cupcake comes back over and Blair witch all over him ok?

“Blair witch?”

“Yeah like, the old horror movie, where Blair was possessed by a witch and she puked pea soup all over those teenagers?”

“ . . . What the fuck are you talking about.”

“I don’t. The old movie, surely you know it, it’s a classic movie.” Grabbing one of the shots the bartender placed in front of them and downing it in one go.

“No!” Lenora yelled, trying to grab it off jim before she did it. “You don’t know what was in those.”

“Yeah, alcohol.” Jim shot back at her, picking up one of the shots and placing it in Lenora's hand, having to manipulate her fingers so she didn’t drop it.

“For all you know someone drugged this,” She glared down at the shot, as if it would tell her if it was compromised. Missing the tricorder she used to carry everywhere. Yet another thing that Jason had taken from her. “We’re experiencing the same events again. Anything could be the reason, and it’s statistically most likely that someone slipped something in a drink of ours that caused it, or even maybe damaged our neurotransmitters enough that we just think we’re experiencing the same night when actually we’re being carted away to the Orion syndicate never to be seen again.”

“I think these things are pretty safe,” Jim turned the plastic shot glass around in her hand, giving Lenora a concerned look. “Plus, I’m pretty sure that’s how not how neurotransmitters work.”

“How would you know, you’re not the doctor here,” She said hotly. “They relax the crap outta you.”

“Yeah but why would we be experiencing the same thing?”

“That. . . That's a good point.” Lenora reluctantly admitted, “God fucking dammit what the fucks going on?”

“Do you need to get some fresh air?”

“I’ve had plenty of fucking fresh air, too much air. I’m surrounded by fucking air right now.” Lenora gestured widely, drink going everywhere. 

“Shit, seriously calm down.”

“Stop telling me to calm down.” She said, louder than before. “One minute I’m in my hotel room, the next I’m choking on my beer from earlier. So what the fuck’s going on?”

“I. I don’t know. I was walking, I found this ring on the ground. The next thing I know I’m back in the bathroom.” Jim explained, running her fingers through her hair, brushing her fringe out of her eyes. “It was an awesome ring too, the biggest rock I’ve ever seen. I guess some cadet must have dropped it since it was near where all those bastards are staying.”

“Did it have emeralds on the side?” Lenora had a sinking feeling.

“Yeah, how did you . . . That was your ring. You were wearing it last night.” It wasn’t a question.

“Is that how we’re going to refer to it, as last night. Seems wrong.” Lenora turned back to the bar, a panic building up in her chest. Righteous anger from earlier disappearing faster than flames from a snuffed candle. She grabbed her beer and took a swig, thoughts racing.

“Why was your ring on the ground?”

“I dropped it.” She lied.

“What were you doing last night?”

“Wasn’t exactly last night.”

“Fine, earlier, whatever. What were you doing?”

“I. I was on my balcony, I was getting some air.”

“Getting some air. After hacking at your hair and dropping an expensive looking ring out the window.”

Lenora didn’t answer, taking another swig of her beer, a terrifying conclusion coming together in her mind. 

“You jumped.” Jim’s voice came out in a whisper, like she had no air left in her lungs after coming to the upset realisation.

“No.” She denied quickly, slamming her beer back down and turning to face Jim. “Don’t say that. I didn’t jump.”

“You did. You jumped, and you landed on me. You killed me.” She practically shouted the last words.

“Lower your damn voice, if I jumped how are we standing here. I was getting air. I just . . . I was just leaning over the balcony for it.”

“Yeah. Then you just happened to lean too far, right?” Jim was in her personal space, Lenora wanted to shove her away. “Wasn’t your fault of course, you just wanted some air.”

“But there are safety protocols! They wouldn’t have let me fall.”

“Clearly not.” Jim hissed back at her, so close she couldn’t focus on both her eyes at once. “So tell me again, if you didn’t jump then why were you leaning so far over your balcony?”

“I just wanted some air.” She shoved Jim away, an uncomfortable itch growing under her skin. “I didn’t cause this. Get out of my face.”

“Well I don’t see anyone else that could have made me ‘mince meat’ on the sidewalk.” Jim moved back into her personal space, Lenora didn’t miss Jim’s throw back to the comment she had made earlier. Flinching at the words  _ ‘mince meat’ _ . “So as far as I’m concerned, whatever is happening is your fault. “

“You’re the single most annoying brat I've ever had the misfortune to meet.” Lenora spat at her, going to leave when Jim’s hand shot out and grabbed her by the elbow.

“Is this bitch bothering you ma’am.”

Both women turned to face the now familiar group of brutes that were once again surrounding them. “I don’t think she wants your hands on her, Jennifer.” She couldn’t fucking deal with this cliche happening again, she didn’t have the time or energy to deal with their petty little kid dramas.

“Not now, Cupcake!” Lenora yelled out, confusing the man in front of them.

Jim guffawed loudly beside her, the tension between them melting away, hand tightening on her inner elbow as she pulled Lenora back towards her. “Don’t confuse him, as far as he knows this is the first time we’ve talked to him.”

“Right.” Lenora shook her head, this was getting confusing. The headache that had never really gone away was beginning to throb behind her temples. She really did want some of that fresh air now.

The man darted forward, grabbing Jim by the front panels of her jacket. Lenora was pushed to the side with the movement, arm wrenched out of Jim’s grip. “I know all about you though, Jennifer.”

“Easy tiger. Has it already been a long night for you?” She said with mock sweetness in her voice. “Why don’t you go find Chloe and a nice glass of water and maybe you’ll calm down.”

“Don’t you mention Chloe to me right now, I know what you did to her.”

“I prefer the term ‘with her’.” She corrected. 

“Are you really going to pick another fight with him.” Lenora gave Jim an incredulous look. 

“Hey. I’m not doing anything, he’s the one stretching my shirt out.” Jim gestured with her hand. “What exactly are you expecting me to do here?”

“Hendorff. Put her down.” She changed tactics.

“This doesn’t concern you ma’am, why don’t you go back to sitting pretty and sipping your beer. I’ll just have a nice chat with Jennifer here about respecting what doesn’t belong to her.”

“I don’t need that talk.” Lenora just knew Jim was about to make this so much worse. “I’ll have you know I treated Chloe with so much respect. I gave her respect like four times.”

Hendorff let go of the front of Jim’s shirt and punched her across the face, causing her to fly backwards into the bar. Catching herself quickly Jim pushed herself forward, using the momentum to slam her fist in the side of his face.

He spat out blood, his friends wasted no time rushing forward and joining in the fight.

She didn’t get out of the way this time, knowing the exact sequence of events that was going to happen. When Jim threw one of the men back at the bar Lenora darted forward, punching the man square in the jaw and feeling a sick satisfaction burn through her as his head snapped to the side. It was short lived however, as the man’s attention was now on her, she didn’t think this through. 

She wasn’t a fighter. A few self defence classes in med school wasn’t exactly on par with helping out in a bar brawl.

The man threw his fist at her, she yelped, moving quickly to the side, grabbing a hold of her beer bottle as she did, thoughts flying to what Jim had done last night.

As the man flew forward she smashed the bottle over his head, he fell to the floor unconscious. She whooped loudly, turning around to see what Jim was up to.

“That’s the best you got.” Jim mocked as she kicked Hendorff in the crotch. 

Not catching the man who slammed his fist into the back of her head, propelling her forward and over a table. Fuck, Lenora probably should have grabbed him instead of celebrating her new life of violent actions.

Jim was up in a second. Grabbing one of the chairs and throwing it at the man who had punched her, before running around and jumping on Hendorff’s back, he threw himself forward trying to shake her off as she rained punches against his ear, throwing off his balance. 

The other man went to throw Jim off, thinking fast Lenora grabbed the single remaining upright chair and threw it at him. He paused after it hit him, turning his attention to Lenora and taking a few threatening steps towards her when-

Hendorff managed to grab Jim by the arm, flinging her forward over his shoulder and slamming her to the ground, The man that had been walking towards Lenora changed tactics, standing above Jim he brought his leg up, slamming his heavy booted foot down onto her sternum.

Bone’s chest twinged in sympathy as she heard how harshly the air exhailed from Jim’s lungs. She’d be lucky if something wasn’t cracked.

The man brought his foot back up, intent to stomp on her again clear in his actions. Hendorff cheering loudly at his actions.

Lenora couldn’t allow that to happen. She lunged forward, tackling the man to the ground, they fell to the floor with a thud, Lenora’s arm caught under him, being painfully wrenched when he tried to shove her off to get back to Jim. She didn’t allow him, hitting out at him with her free hand and forcing him to deal with her instead of getting back to Jim.

As the man managed to throw her off she caught a glimpse of Hendorff picking Jim up off the ground and throwing her over a table, raising his fist in the air t-

A loud whistle cut through the air, interrupting the fight and silencing the cheering crowd around them.

“Everybody. Out.” It was Pike, just like yesterday. 

The sea of cadets around them were out of the bar quickly, the man having successfully shoved Lenora off and joined them.

“Coulda tackled him before he stomped on my chest.” Jim grumbled at her as she raised herself off the table.

“I didn’t have to do shit, so you’re welcome that I did.” She shot right back at her, picking out a small bit of glass from her arm, she hoped the medkit she had in her luggage still had a few antiseptic wipes in it. Everything hurt, this is why she didn’t go around picking damn fights! 

“Oh, let me thank you. You generous human being, showing basic decency, defending my honour in a fight you helped start.”

“Hey. I didn’t fuck his girlfriend. That’s on you, Brat.” Lenora shouted back. “I didn’t start anything.”

“Ladies, please.” Pike had wandered over, having finished whatever talk he was having with the bartender.

“Sit with me, kid.” Pike clapped Jim on the back, ignoring the loud groan she let out in protest and pushing her towards the nearest upturned table. 

Lenora stayed where she was, picking up the same fallen chair from last night and parking her ass at the bar, making no secret that she was listening this time. 

“Y’know I couldn’t believe it when the bartender told me who you are.” Pike said, 

‘Oh. And who I am, Captain Pike?” If he was surprised at Jim knowing who he was he didn’t show it. Having not introduced himself yet that night. Lenora signalled the faithful bartender to come over, gesturing to her empty shot glass, not feeling bad about stealing the remains of the fruity looking drink to her right.

“Your father's daughter.” 

Lenora snorted into her drink, almost missing the way Jim stood up and started to move towards her. Stopped only by Pike’s hand grabbing onto her jacket sleeve.

“The fuck was that noise about.”

“Oh, absolutely nothin’. Just a noise I make.” She said, way too calmly for the rate her heart was beating. “Usually when I hear something funny.”

“You may want to excuse yourself.” Pike spoke up, giving her a disapproving look.

Fuck that guy, he had no authority over her. “I’m good here, thanks.” She took a deliberate sip of her drink. “But carry on. Don’t let me interrupt.”

Jim sat down roughly, groaning in pain and clutching at her side, Lenora instantly felt bad, definitely sounded like Jim might have been seriously injured this time. She missed a few moments of their conversation as she ran through possible injuries Jim had in her mind, already wondering what she could do to help.

“It’s not like you have anyone waiting for you in that big empty house after you finish you nine to five shifts at the mechs. Mom’s out in space, brother got a family of his own. Nobody here is exactly waiting to welcome you with open arms.”

Lenora paused, drink burning at her lips where she held the glass. Jim’s story was all too relatable. 

Pike gestured to the PADD he had resting on the table. “A quick look in your file shows me your aptitude tests are off the charts. So what is it? You like being the only genius level repeat offender in the Midwest?”

“Maybe I love it.”

“So what, you leave here. Go back to that empty farm house. Work your meaningless job, get arrested every other week?”

“I’m sorry my life isn’t grand enough for you, but it’s my fucking life and I’ll live it however I please.”

“Your brother is out there changing the field of bioethics. Don’t you wanna be a part of something bigger than yourself?”

Jim gave him an incredulous look, “Fuck no. Maybe you need to be able to dip your hand in a big old pot of dreams to lube up enough for a wank. But not all of us get off on being another cog in the ‘well oiled’ machine that is starfleet.” She threw in the most sarcastic looking hand gestures around the words ‘well oiled’ that Lenora had ever seen, she was almost impressed.

“You just come up with that, or is that something you practice saying in the mirror.” Lenora fought very hard to contain her reaction this time, thoughts drifting to how Jim had told her the exact same thing . . . Yesterday? Earlier? She still didn’t know.

“Something special I thought up just for you.” Jim sassed him, leaning back in his chair and looking away.

“I guess you’re not ready yet.” Pike said almost sadly. Looking at both Jim and Lenora when he said it.

“Y’know. Your father was a hero, saved hundreds of lives, including you and your mothers.” Pike reached across the table and stole the rest of Jim’s drink. Chucking it back and letting the liquid slide down his throat. “Maybe that’ll be the only legacy your family leaves.”

Lenora watched him walk out of the bar without another word, not stopping for anything this time.

“Legacy. Yeah, right.” She heard Jim say in a mocking tone, turning back to face her Lenora saw Jim put her head in her hands, looking both defeated and agitated at the same time.

Letting herself doubt for only a moment, Lenora grabbed the still full shots off the bar and walked over, slipping them onto the table as she took Pike's vacated chair.

“Oh. I’m sorry, that seat’s taken.” Jim said with false sweetness.

“Oh right, I guess I just missed the line of people waiting to show you some kindness.” She gestured to the empty room.

“Fuck you.” Jim said simply, looking more beat up now then when she'd been laying prone over a table.

“No thanks. Ain’t that desperate.” 

Jim scoffed, lips twitching up slightly as she rolled her eyes. Lenora was counting that as a win.

“I can fix all that,” Lenora gestured to Jim’s . . . well. . . everything. “Gotta a pocket regen back in my bag.”

“Oh that’s so kind of you,” Jim said in a voice that portrayed false sweetness, fuck she would have fit right in with the girls in Georgia. “But I’m not interested in letting you play hero so you can feel better about yourself.”

Lenora felt her mouth hanging open in her shock. “Oh, there's the med skeleton look again. It’s really not a compliment, by the way, In case you were as confused as you look.”

“You’re really good at pissing people off, Jim.” Lenora hissed at her. “How ‘bout you show some common decency, then there actually would be people here who wanna help you.”

“How ‘bout you go find your ring, the one that could be legally classified as a weapon.” Jim suggested. “Go find it. Go back to your medical practice and whatever other bourgeoisie shit you’ve got filling up your life. Maybe consider staying away from ledges while you’re at it.”

Lenora shot out of the chair, the legs scraping loudly against the floor in the empty room. “Fuck you, Jim.”

“No thanks.” The sickly sweetness to her voice was back. “I’m not that desperate.”

“Sure ‘bout that. Is that why you went after a girl who was dating a guy who looks like he mixes steroids into his morning coffee?” Lenora wanted to hurt Jim, as much as her comments had hurt her. “The way I see it, you’re either desperate enough for anyone to warm your bed, or you're that unhappy and bored, that you’re causing drama wherever you can.”

“You don’t fucking know me.” Jim snarled at her, hand tight around her drink. Lenora wondered if she’d squeeze it hard enough to break.

If she did, she wasn’t going to help her pick any damn glass out of her palm. It’d serve her right to be hurt.

“Keep being that much of a bitch to everyone around you, and soon not even starfleet will want you.” She went to leave, stepping around the table, unfortunately having to walk passed Jim to get to the exit.

Jim scoffed, turning away from her. “You’re so dramatic, is that why your husband left you? And fuck starfleet.”

“Yeah, fuck starfleet, and fuck you, Jim.” Lenora growled, throwing her weight forward with her fist and directing it straight at Jim’s already broken nose. 

It connected with a sickening, yet satisfying, thud. 

Lenora, however, couldn’t stop her forward momentum, foot catching on the broken table leg in front of her, causing her to fall forward, face crashing down and sn-

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

It was jarring, going from a forward momentum to standing upright, beer bubbling down her throat and tickling her nose. So jarring that Lenora doesn’t think she can really be blamed for throwing up as she keeled over the bar. 

The swearing from the bartender said differently, however. 

She apologised profusely, wiping up what she could with the napkins before the man came back with a bucket of water. Telling her it was fine through gritted teeth as he began to clean and disinfect the area. 

She’s surprised the patrons around her hadn’t moved away at her disgusting display. She could feel her face burning, hand reaching up to wipe away any remaining vomit from around her mouth. She hadn’t thrown up since she was pregnant. 

“That’s gotta be humiliating.” Jim’s grating voice spoke up from her left. Always her fucking left. She glared over at the women- insults on her tongue and ready to continue their fight. The brat’s not going to get the first, middle, or the last word this time.

“Why are you wearing sunglasses?” Lenora said instead. Forgetting what she was actually going to say at the sight.

“Part of my look.” Jim shrugged. 

“Since when. You’re in the exact same outfit as the last two nights.” 

There was silence between them.

“Just take ‘em off.”

“No.”

“No?” 

“Are you going deaf as well as psycho?”

Lenora glared at Jim. “Just take your fucking glasses off.”

“Go fuck yourself.”

Lenora reached up to rip them off her face. Only for her hand to be smacked away. 

“Look, I’m not looking to fight with you.” Jim said, almost pleadingly .

Lenora reached up with her other hand. The same result. 

Turning her body to face Jim, she reached out with both hands, slapping back at the hands that tried to stop her, repeatedly.

“Can’t we just talk?”

Lenora ignored her. She managed to grab the corner and rip the stupid glasses off Jim's face. Her victory was short-lived. A cold feeling sweeping through her body at the sight of Jim’s face. 

What should have been her flawless, soft skin, was marred by a bruise growing under her eye, the size of the glasses having perfectly hid any discolouration, even from Lenora’s trained eyes. 

“Jim.” Her voice could barely be heard over the music. 

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Jim.” 

“It’s like with your hair. The things we inflict seem to follow.” Jim shrugged, pushing Lenora’s hand away when she tried to touch the bruise. Noticing how her nose was also swollen and slightly crooked, she must have put makeup over what wasn't covered by the glasses. “At least it’s not bleeding anymore.”

“I made you bleed. Fuck. Jim, I’m sorry.” Lenora grabbed the ice out of a stranger's drink. Ignoring his indignant squawk at her, as well as Jim’s protests as she held the ice to the bruise. 

“Bones!” Jim yelled, trying to move back but Lenora angled them so Jim had her back pressed to the bar as Lenora pressed her body weight against her, trapping her unless she decided to seriously fight her. “Shit, that fucking stings.”

“It’s alcohol. It’s gonna disinfect it.” She lied.

“Wrong kinda alcohol, dammit.” Jim was too smart. 

“Well now you’re starting to sound like me.” She teased gently. Pressing the fast melting ice to different parts of the bruise, maybe it was too late to stop the majority of the swelling. Even if it had only been about five odd minutes since she’d have done it. Maybe that was as bad as it was going to get since they di-

They died.

“I punched you.” Lenora said, all the strength gone from her voice, as well as her arm muscles, as she struggled to hold up the thin sliver of ice against Jim’s face. 

“Yeah, we’ve established that.”

“I punched you, Jim. I punched you so hard we fucking died again.” 

Jim paused. Good eye meeting Lenora’s, tongue darting out to lick her lips before saying. “Well. Not something you can put on your resume. But that’s a pretty neat trick.”

Lenora doesn't know why she was surprised that Jim wasn’t taking this seriously. She didn’t exactly know Jim, but the light tone of her voice felt like a slap and Lenora couldn’t stop herself from flinching back. Rising panic building in the centre of her chest and spreading through her limbs like television static. 

She had to leave.

She pushed away from Jim, letting the mostly gone ice slip out of her finger tips. Her eyes felt like they couldn’t concentrate on the world around her as everything began to blur together, a high pitched ringing invading her ears and irritating the headache she just couldn’t seem to fucking shake.

“Bones.” Jim reached out to her, grabbing her by the elbow as she took a few steps away. “It’s fine. We’re fine, look. Still alive.”

“Don’t pander to me, Kid.” She tried to rip her arm out of Jim’s grip.

“Is this bitch bothering you, ma’am?” 

Fucking cupcake. 

“Oh, fuck off, Cupcake.” Jim growled out, moving forward to grab Lenora by her shoulders. “Bones. Bones I need you to breathe, please.” 

Lenora wanted to point out to Jim that Hendorff wouldnt understand the cupcake comment but her brain could only focus on the new nickname Jim seemed to have decided to gift her. 

“Stop callin’ me Bones, I know you're insulting m-” Her voice gave out as her head snapped back up, focusing on Jim’s face . . On the bruise. Oh god. 

“I don’t think she wants your hands on her, Jennifer. Should learn where you’re not welcome.” Hendorff spat at her, grabbing her by the jacket and shoving her away from Lenora. Ignoring when Jim tried to shove him back, grabbing her securely by the front of her shirt.

“Hey.” Lenora felt herself snap back into focus, anger flooding through her body. This was good. This was familiar. She could work with her anger, instead of the numb feeling that flooded her before. “Don’t fucking touch her.”

She shoved at Hendorff, barely managing to move him at all. He didn’t let go of Jim’s shirt.

“Oh. I see, you’re one of her friends.” He said quickly, shoving her back with his free hand.

“Stop attacking her, not her fault your girlfriend doesn’t love you enough to not fuck around.”

Jim laughed, face open wide in amusement as she looked back and forth between them like she was watching a tennis match.

“What would you know about love, you’re just some old bitch getting drunk in a cadet bar.”

He was right. She’d been through more in her life than most of the children here. Why the fuck was she spending time in this bar, why was she wasting time fucking around with Jennifer, when she should be figuring out whatever cosmo level fuckery was happening.

She took a step back, she had to get out of here. She turned towards the exit.

“Yeah that’s right.” Hendorff mocked her, having to get the last word in. “Go back to your husband and kids, they’re probably wondering why their mummy hasn’t tucked them into bed yet. Fucking bitch.” Lenora stopped her retreat, eyes going wide and mouth opening to scream back at him.

Jim beat her too it. 

“At least she apparently has people to go home too. I doubt Chloe’s satisfied with a two pump chump like you after I rocked her world.” 

Hendorff let go of the front of Jim’s shirt and punched her in the side of the head, causing her to fly backwards into the bar. Catching herself quickly Jim pushed herself forward, using the momentum to slam her fist in the side of his face. His head snapped to the side and he stumbled to the left towards Lenora.

Lenora felt like she was watching herself from the other side of the bar as she turned around and slammed her fist into the side of cupcakes face, exactly how she had done to Jim earlier.

She didn’t trip over a chair leg this time. Thankfully.

Hendorff went down, crashing into another table, drinks flying everywhere and people screaming as they moved away. 

One of his friends moved towards her, being stopped by Jim stepping between them and shoving him into the bar, taking out several of the bar chairs on his way down to the floor. 

This didn’t stop the other one who was pulling back his fist to hit her. 

It felt like time slowed down, her breathing coming out in a steady rhythm as she stepped forward, arm coming up to redirect his hit as she raised her foot- slamming it against the inside of his shin. 

Grabbing the back of his head as he began to fall, she raised the same leg up higher, slamming his face into her knee and shoving him to the side.

It’s a move she’d only seen in classic fighting movies, she couldn’t believe it actually worked. Or that she was stupid enough to try it.

She could practically here the sound of the Mortal Combat game Jason liked to spend hours playing, telling her ‘knock out’ as the guy fell to the floor, She turned to see what Jim was up to and see if she could hel-

A fist slammed into the side of her face, knocking her over a table- gravity helping to pull her over the other side and land on the floor with a loud crash, bits of glass that had miraculously disappeared without a trace from her arm earlier back in their wrongful position.

Fuck.

She pulled herself up, sparing a glance to see Jim on Hendorff’s back and punching him repeatedly in the head, before her eyes landed on the man that had hit her, he was holding his hand to his chest, a pained look on his face.

He’d hurt himself, serves the asshole right. 

This was her chance. Grabbing one of the mostly intact glasses off the floor she threw it at him, moving quickly and grabbing his injured hand, squeezing tightly on the swollen fingers.

The man howled, kicking out at her and catching her in the shin, she stumbled back, the man hitting out with his other hand.

Thinking fast she used her body to tackle him to the ground, eyes catching sight of Hendorff throwing Jim to the ground, the man below yelled as they hit the ground, she instantly tried to scramble off him, wanting to get to Jim before Hendorff had a chance to hurt her, again.

The man didn’t let her, grabbing hold of her ankle and pulling her back towards him.

Thinking fast Lenora brought her other foot up, kicking at the man and using the momentum to wrench herself up, moving forward before the man could find his balance and tackling him to the ground, again.

She’d have to look up other moves once she got out of this fight.

She didn’t get her arm caught under him, unlike last time- she was learning fast. Acting quickly she began to slam her fists into the man's head, similar to how Jim had been hitting Cupcake. He raised his hands to try and block her, injured hand held higher to try and avoid impact.

She didn’t give him a chance to even think about attacking back, a sense of satisfaction burning through her. She was winning.

Lenora rained her fists down on him, months of anger and hurt feeling like they were being pounded out of her, the rage she felt at Jason, the anger at losing her life’s work. The agony she felt at having to leave her daughter behind- all being worked out on the man below her.

“Bones. Stop. It’s fine.” Jim was at her back, grabbing at her clothes and trying to stop her arms from swinging back down, She violently shook off the hands grabbing at her, she had to keep hitting, she had to make the bad feelings stop.

A loud whistle interrupted her circling thoughts, she clutched at her head as the noise seemed to stab right into the centre of her skull.

“All of you. Out. Now.” Captain Pikes voice rang out clear in the silent bar.

The man below her didn’t move. Didn’t even twitch as Jim successfully pulled Lenora off of him. 

They stumbled to their feet, Lenora leaning heavily on Jim for support as her whole body shook violently. She hadn’t realised how hard she had been crying until she struggled to breath past all the snot that had built up in her nose and began to run down her face.

“Bones.” Jim leaned her against the bar, grabbing some napkins and beginning to dap at Lenora’s face. She’s not sure if the red blood the napkins picked up was her own of the unconscious man’s. “Hey, it’s gonna be ok, it’s just the adrenaline going through you.” 

Fuck, she hoped he was just unconscious. What if she’d killed him? Would he come back like they did?

“I’m sorry. I- I gotta go. I’m so sorry, Jim.” Lenora choked out, bloody hand rubbing the snot from her face, smearing her with more blood. “Fuck, it’s such a mess. Everything’s such a. A fucking mess.”

“We can fix it.” She gestured around, the bar having cleared out quickly around them as Captain Pike talked to the bartender in a quiet voice, shooting them concerned looks. 

“No. I can’t do this. Just . . . Leave me alone, Jim. I’m not. Whatever the fuck’s going on. I don’t want to be involved. I’m going back to my room and, and-”

“Don’t jump again.” Jim said quickly, reaching forward and trying to grab her arm. Lenora ripped herself away from Jim’s grip.

“I. I won’t. I’d. I didn’t the first time. I slipped.” She wouldn’t meet Jim’s eyes.

“Bones.” She reached for her again.

“I. I’m tired. Just leave it. I won’t go near the window.”

“Promise.” Jim demanded, darting in front of Lenora when she turned to leave. “No, seriously, promise me. Promise you won’t go near that window.”

“What the fuck is with you. Why do you care.” Lenora was looking at her like she was the most complex problem she’d ever seen, one she couldn’t even begin to solve. 

“We’re in this together. Whatever the fuck is happening. It’s you and me.” She gestured her hand between them. “You die I die. And. If for some reason that stops. But you’re dead. Bet that I’ll follow you. Even if we don’t reset.”

“You’re fucking crazy.” If Lenora's eyes were any wider they’d pop out of her skull.

“It’s a crazy fucking world, Bones.” Jim threw her arms in the air. “This is a crazy situation. Best not take any chances.”

Lenora just kept staring, mouth opened wide and head shaking slightly. 

Jim couldn’t help herself.

“Now you look like the medical skeleton in the corner of the room, but one that’s been left next to an open window.” Jim copied Lenoras’ slight sway. Getting the exact reaction she hoped for.

Lenora scrunched up her face in what was both anger and disgust. But that didn’t hide the slight up turn to her mouth. As offended as she claimed to be by that joke. She still found it at least somewhat funny.

“Jesus Christ, Jim. I’m leaving.” Jim continued to stare at her. “I’m going back to my room. I am going to bed. Goodbye.” 

She shoved passed Jim, shoulders bumping together, Jim didn’t offer any resistance. 

“Will you be at the shuttle tomorrow?” She couldn’t help but call out.

Lenora stopped, turning back around to look at Jim. The incredulous look back on her face. “I . . . I don’t know, Jim. Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“Maybe.” 

She left the bar, never once looking back at jim. 

Jim hadn’t felt this hollow in years. Feeling like she should go after bones. No matter what she had said. 

A hand clapped down on her shoulder, almost making her knees buckle at the weight. “Planning on joining the shuttle for new recruits tomorrow are you?”

It was Pike. 

“Considering it. Then reconsidering it.” She played it cool. Knowing he was about to give her his speech . . . Again.

“Sit me with, Kid.” He used his other hand to gesture to the closest upright table. Pull her along before she could say anything.

“Y’know, I couldn’t believe it when the bartender told me who you are.” 

‘Oh. And who I am, Captain Pike?“ She sat down in her usual seat, across from pike. Her face beginning to throb again.

“Your father's daughter.” 

“Hmm.” She made a non commital noise. She’d had pike’s speech memorised since that first night, She didn’t need it again. She needed to think. She needed to figure out what was happening.

“Jim.” Pike clicked his fingers in front of her face, startling her out of her spiraling thoughts.

‘What?”

Pike sighed. “Y’know your father was a hero, saved hundreds of lives, including you and your mothers.” Pike reached across the table and stole the rest of Jim’s drink. Chucking it back and letting the liquid slide down his throat. “Think you can do better?”

She couldn’t be in that room anymore. “Yeah, maybe.” She stood up, opening her mouth to say something . . . Before deciding against it and leaving, almost tripping over her own chair in her haste to get out.

Pike sighed, again. Looking around the now empty bar. “Yeah, maybe.” He mocked her words. “Sure, kid.”

She stumbled out into the cool air, taking a deep breath and letting it out in a harsh motion.

At least her ribs didn’t hurt this time around. She could walk away, could go anywhere. Maybe she could check on Bones, make sure she wasn’t doing anything stupid.

She took a few steps in the same direction she had wandered just the other night, eyes sliding back over the motorcycle again.

It really was beautiful. You could tell the owner took pride in the machine.

She tore her eyes away. . . . Looking down the road she had travelled down just a few hours ago. Days? Deaths?

No. Fuck that. This was her second chance. Third chance? She wasn’t Lenora’s babysitter. She wasn’t responsible for anyone but herself. 

She was stealing the motorcycle. Consequences be damned. 

She’d probably be reliving this night anyway. Plus what dumb piece of shit left their keys in the ignition. One that clearly wanted a good citizen to show them what cause and effect meant.

She revved the bike, the smell of the engine flooding her nose, and took off in the opposite direction of Lenora’s hotel room. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Lenora closed the door to her hotel room with a loud bang. The noise echoing in the small room. The mess she had left it in the last time she was here was nowhere to be seen. Her hair: gone. The smashed glass: gone.

Even the scissors she had left on the bench. Gone. She hoped she wouldn’t have to pay for it.

Her head was throbbing. Like she’d gone a few rounds with a Gorn. Bringing both hands up she rubbed at her temples, letting her fingers rub into her hair and along her scalp, hoping to release some of the pressure. 

It wasn’t helping. 

The blood and alcohol that was mixed together on her head had caused her hair to stick together, creating a tangled mess. Even without her obnoxiously big ring, and half her hair missing, her fingers still became tangled.

The sensation of helplessness flooded through her again, god she was pathetic, she couldn’t even hold it together for a single night. No wonder she kept getting into fights with Jim. She was such a fucking mess.

She felt like she couldn’t pull enough air in, like her throat was constricting- not allowing her to pull enough oxygen down into her lungs no matter how wide she opened her mouth.

She needed air, she needed-

No. She needed to calm down. She needed to stop spiraling.

Easier said than fucking done.

Instead of heading to the open balcony, Lenora tore her hands out of her hair, ignoring the cascade of broken strands that followed- including those that stuck to her hands in the drying blood that splattered them. She reached into her bag and pulled out her medkit, wrenching herself back up and slamming herself into the bathroom, barely feeling as the sink crashed against her hip, the slamming of the door behind her sounding muffled, like it was coming from another room.

She tore through the kit, loading up the single hypo she had left, rubbing an antiseptic patch over the side of her neck before shakily injecting the syrum straight into her bloodstream.

It was a desperate measure, but the effects were almost instant, the world going from a hazy outline into sharp focus, her breathing coming in easier, like she’d finally been able to pull her head above water.

Speaking of water, Lenora stumbled back onto her feet- as shitty as this hotel was cheap. . . It did have one extremely redeeming feature.

Free water usage. Realistically she knows that means it was all heavily recycled within the building. But hopefully their safety protocols for water decontamination were better than those of their balcony railings. 

She turned the shower on, the cold water pounding down on her chest, making her body tense up, she registered vaguely that she hadn’t even bothered to take off her clothes.

She fixed that as the water slowly raised in temperature.

The water ran red around her for far too long in her professional medical opinion. Did it all come from just that last fight? Jim probably would have made a comment if she’d been covered in blood earlier.

Jim.

Fuck.

She needed to apologise. She didn’t know what was going on. But none of it was Jim’s fault. It couldn’t be. 

It’s not like Jim crash landed on her. 

Besides, if Jim wasn’t here, Lenora definitely would be handling everything a lot worse. 

She would apologise. 

She would make this better. 

They would fix whatever was happening. Together.

Fuck she needed to lay down before she passed out. The steam from the water covered her like a blanket, she couldn’t see anything around the room anymore.

Maybe she should turn the cold water on. It was so hard to think past the shooting sensation in her head, every cell in her body feeling like it’d finally gotten the deep breath of fresh air she’d been craving.

With numb fingers she turned the cold tap on, not even feeling the sensation of the water hitting her skin anymore.

She felt like she was floating away.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jim arrived with fifteen minutes to spare, watching the cadets entering the shuttle in an orderly fashion as she pulled up on her bike, not bothering to turn the engine off as she got off with all the grace her bow legged body could manage. 

“Four years? I’ll do it in three.” She couldn’t help but mock Pike. Feeling no real satisfaction in the knowing look he shot her way. Bastard. 

She picked the seat by the window, wanting to keep a lookout. 

Just in case. Lenora had only said maybe. It wasn’t a promise. It wasn’t a guarantee. But, Jim felt like the fact that they’d survived the night was a big point in starfleet favours 

It’s why she’d bothered to show up.

She didn’t have to wait long. In the distance she could see a figure walking closer. 

Lenora. She’d recognise that ragged haircut anywhere. 

The shuttle was due to leave in ten minutes. 

She could make it if she hurried. The they could join starfleet, get away from whatever fucked up thing was affecting them last night, while there was no guarantee it was over, Jim felt the fact that they’d both survived the night was a big point in their favour.

It took Jim a moment to realise that Lenora had stopped. 

Close enough that Jim could see her biting her lip. Looking up at the beast of a starship in front of her. 

“Cmon. C’mon, Bones, get on the shuttle.” She quietly cheered on. 

Lenora shook her head. Seemingly like she was trying to shake away a though. Before turning and walking away. 

Fuck. That. 

Jim shot out of her seat, momentarily caught in the buckle before throwing it off and storming out of the shuttle. 

“Jim?” Pike called time her retreating form. 

“Sorry, old man. Gonna have to find some other bottom feeder to meet your quota.” She waved at him over her shoulder and jogged to catch up to Lenora. 

“Hey. Hey Bones.” She screamed out. Slowly but surely closing the distance between them. “Where are we going?”

“I’m not getting on the ship. Not fucking joining star fleet.” She said rubbing at her face as Jim slung an arm over her shoulders. Lenora flinched under her, the warmth radiating out through the layers of clothes she was wearing seemed like a bad sign in Jim’s opinion. She wondered if she should ask.

Maybe later.

“Got it. So where are we going?” 

Len looked over at her. “We?”

“Yeah. Us. You and me.” Jim smiled at her, feeling butterflies in her stomach at the small smile Lenora shot back at her. “Fuck starfleet.”

Jim pressed a quick kiss to her cheek, heart beating hard. Smile breaking wider as Lenora responded. “Fuck starfleet.”

Behind them. A series of catastrophic equipment failures happened. Seemingly simultaneous. Reports will indicate there was no possible way it could have happened. 

A fuel line burst, a spark was lit. And just like that a tragic fire and explosion took out the riverside ship yard. 

Leaving no survivors. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Lenora coughed gently as the beer slid down her throat. Breath feeling like fire as it exited her mouth.

She was alive. 

This night was different. Jim was by her side in record time. A smile on her face, they weren’t going to fight this time. Jim leaned in, sniffing at her hair. Lenora pulled back, giving Jim a confused look. Maybe they were going to fight.

“You smell like . . . like burnt hair.” Jim wrinkled her nose.

“From the shuttle exploding?” Lenora made an educated guess. 

“It’s shorter too, your poor hair. Can’t catch a break.” Jim ran her fingers through the short strands of Lenora’s hair, fingernails scratching against her scalp. “Looks good though, short and messy.”

“Oh, so my hair now matches your entire personality.” 

“What, short and messy?” Jim laughed. “I’ll have you know I’m a perfectly respectable height.”

“Sure . . . Sport.” Lenora reached up and ruffled the top of Jim’s hair, tossing her blonde curls everywhere. 

“So mean,” Jim battered her hands away. “Drink?”

“Sure.” She flagged over the bartender, content for Jim to order their usual drinks.

“I can’t believe we died again. What a joke.”

“Yeah, thought starfleet was meant to have state of the art technology.”

“Clearly not, pretty sure space ships aren’t meant to explode.”

“I’m not expert but that seems like quite the design flaw.”

“Do you think it was because of us or?”

“Like would it have happened anyway? I don't know.” The mood around them changed, becoming serious.

“Do you think . . .” Bones started, having to clear her throat. “Do you think that, when we die, it’s an actual reset?”

“As in everyone resets? or we go onto a different reality?” Jim prompted her when she trailed off.

“And the one we were in, just keeps going, without us?” Lenora finished her thoughts.

“I don’t know.”

“The man, the one I. The one that I hurt. Do you think he. Did he get up?”

“Yeah,” Jim lied. “Like right after you left. He was groaning on the floor, the baby.”

“Good. That’s good.” Lenora felt like a weight had been taken off her chest. “That’s. At least he’s fine.”

“I wouldn’t say fine,” Jim continued. “He did get the absolute shit beat outta him, Bones.”

Lenora winced. “Yeah.”

“Didn’t know you had it in you, remind me not to piss you off in the future.”

“You think we have a future?”

“I like to think so.” Jim’s eyes seemed to burn into hers, making Lenora feel like her face was too warm. She downed her shot, signalling the bartender for more.

They drink some more, making jokes about what happened, how dodgy starfleet designs are. The bartender brought them a big glass of water over after their fifth shot, giving them a pointed look that has them both giggling.

“Cheers, I'll drink to that.” Lenora laughed, voice echoing around the area, even with all the noise. “How long until cupcakes comes and bothers us do y’think?” 

“Any minute, man can’t stand not being the centre of our attention.”

“He’s gonna grab you by your shirt all like,” lenora reached over, grabbing her by the shirt and pulling her towards her . “Don’t put your hands on her, Jennifer, you fucked my girlfriend because my tiny dick couldn’t make her happy.”

Jim laughed loudly, grabbing a hold of the hand that was holding her shirt. “Bet the fights we have with him lasts longer than he does in bed.”

Lenora’s laughter echoed back, hand losing its grip as they leaned against the bar. “God what a joke. And he’s the type of man that Starfleet hires these days.”

“Bottom of the barrel, like I said.” Jim agreed. “Makes sense why they’d ask you and me as well.”

“You I can see why,” Lenora said, “Me, that’s the real joke. “

“You’re a doctor, bones. Starfleet would be creaming their jeans to have you.’

“No, they wouldn’t, you don’t know what I’ve done.”

“What? Save lives and deliver alien babies?” 

Lenora took a swig from the remains of her beer, good mood vanishing fast. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Jim seemed to sense the abrupt change in her mood. “Ok. Ok that’s fine.”

There was a pause.

“Is this bitch bothering you ma’am.”

“Whoop!” Jim shouted, “Right on time. Quick bones, get to higher ground before the meat head grabs us.”

“What?” Lenora gave Jim a confused look as Jim slid onto the bar, pulling her legs up and under her before standing up.

“You shan’t be getting a swing at me today, cupcake.” She said, voice echoing as she made a sweeping gesture with her hand. “I have the higher ground, you see.”

She reached a hand down for Lenora to grab onto. “The lady is also with me, we don’t need you playing knight in cadet armour here. In fact why don’t you go back to your captain.”

Lenora kicked off her stupid heels as Jim pulled her up onto the bar, the big glass of water she had ordered spilling everywhere and soaking her pants as she got up.

“Captain Pike,” Jim called out, lacing her fingers with bones as they both stood on the bar, “Oh were for art thou, Christopher Pike.”

“Is that his full name?” Lenora asked.

“Yeah, looked it up . . A few deaths ago. Deaths ago? Is that the correct thing to call it.”

“Might as well.” Lenora gave an exaggerated shrug, the alcohol burning through her system making her knees feel weak, like she was just a giant jell-o version of herself.

She shook her head, refusing to explain to Jim why she was laughing when she demanded to know.

“Ladies.” A voice interrupted them.

“Oh. No whistle this time. Big improvement.” Lenora pointed at Pike with her free hand. trying to force her buckling knees to stand up straight. Eyes focusing just enough to see the concerned look on the Captains face, arms raised up as if to catch her should she fall.

How sweet.

“We. We have something to say to you.” Jim said for the both of them. “Listen closely. Very important.”

“I’m listening.” 

Jim took in a deep breath. Head thrown back and chest puffed out with it.

“Fuck starfleet.” Jim yelled out as loud as she could, bending down with it as she threw her body forward, as if trying to physically throw her voice to all corners of the bar..

“Yeah,” Lenora agreed, just as loudly. Fighting to talk through her laughter. ”Fuck starfleet and fuck all of ya.”

They didn’t notice the light on the ceiling falling down. Live wire slipping down in the puddle of liquid they were standing in. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The familiar beer slid down her throat, feeling extra bubbly against her tongue as she shot it out of her nose. “Oh fuck.” 

She felt like she could still feel the electricity rushing up her body, lingering like a bad smell in her veins and her muscles still feeling like they were seizing up. “Holy fuck.” She wasn’t sure if it was the reset or the electricity that made her feel more sober than she had in months.

She grabbed the bar, flinching back as it zapped her. “Mother fucker.”

“You can say that again.” A very familiar voice said to her left, signaling the bartender down and getting them shots of whiskey each. Jim’s eyes seemed to almost glow in the low light of the bar. Her hair a frizzy mess. An out of place smile on her face.

“Shit, did we just get electrocuted?” 

“Wasn’t it obvious?” Jim seemed out of it, but sounding just as sober as Lenora now felt. “No idea why the light broke, I’m sure Morrison had this place refitted only a couple months ago.”

“That’s your concern?The safety standards on which this bar was built?”

“Aren’t you curious?”

“Well yeah, but it’s not exactly in the top ten things I’m worried about right now.”

“Look. It’s fine. Let's toast.” Jim held up her drink, leaning against the bar for what Lenora was assuming was support as Jim’s legs didn’t seem to want to hold her properly. “To immortality.”

Lenora held the shot up for Jim to tap her against, rolling her eyes as Jim linked her arm through hers, forcing them closer together so they would be able to take the shots. 

“To shitty cadets and starfleet, as well.” 

“Fuck starfleet.”

The whiskey burned against her lips as the liquid slid onto. Her tongue.

  
  
  
  
  
  


The familiar beer slid down her throat, a violent contrast to the whiskey she was expecting. She spat it out, covering the man next to her and apologising profusely as he swore loudly at her. She dabbed at him with napkins, trying to calm him down before he decided to punch her in the face, her faithful, favourite bartender in the whole world coming to her rescue and pulling the guy away.

She looked around, almost desperately, for Jim. Spotting her coming around the corner on shaky legs, a huge smile on her face and a wink shot at Lenora when she caught her looking.

She ignored the man beside her, who was till swearing, as Jim came over laughing, pupils blown wide.

“Are you ok?” Lenora was concerned. “What the fuck got us that time?”

“Yeah. ‘M great.” Jim said, a huge smile still in place. “Who cares, Let's do that again.”

“Who ca- . . . Again?” Lenora wasn’t sure what she wanted to say more, choking out both phrases as one?

“Yeah again. Let's die again.”

“What happens when you . . Revive, or whatever it is we’re doing?” Lenora hadn’t even thought to ask earlier, always assuming that Jim had just always been making her way towards her. 

Jim smiled at her lecherously. “You may be constantly choking on a beer. I, however, just so happen to be having a fantastic orgasm.”

Lenora gasped. “That’s not fair.” 

“Plenty fair.”

“So one moment we’re dying. And the next you're coming your brains out?” 

“Yeah pretty much. Trading a death for a little death.”

“That’s not fair.” 

“Plenty fair.” Jim said again, throwing her hands up as she smiled. “Let's do it again. I have a working theory.”

“Tell me the theory first.”

“Ok. So. I believe. The moment we decide not to join starfleet. We die.”

“Is that your whole theory? Because that’s pretty obvious.”

“Ok, but it’s worth confirming. C’mon, one more time.”

“Fuck, fine.”

“Say it with me, Bones.”

“You’re such a brat.” She said with an eye roll.

“Close, but not it!” Jim waited until Lenora started saying the key phrase to join in. 

“Fuck starfleet.”

The last thing Lenora was aware of was the noise of the car that had crashed through the club, heading straight for them as people dived away. The smile on Jim’s face grew impossibly wider as she screamed with everyone else.


	4. Chapter 4

The familiar beer slid down her throat. She slammed the bottle down before signalled the bartender. Ordering several shots of whiskey. Impatiently waiting for Jim to finish doing whoever she was doing, and make her damn way back over to her.

Jim came up behind her, arms wrapping around her waist and chin resting on her shoulder. “Is it time to party?”

“Figure we just missed out on several shots, nothing wrong with doing them now. Plus I think you could use some liquid.”

Jim laughed and they ignored the strange looks they received from those around them. They wouldn’t understand anyway. 

Lenora passed Jim a shot when they arrived, they shot them down in tandem, slamming the glasses down hard enough to get even more concerned looks from those around them. 

Lenora pivoted around in Jim’s arms, putting a finger against her lips when Jim went to say something, before saying very loudly.

“So, before we totally go and join starfleet. We should go for a stroll. Get some fresh air. Before we definitely go and pack our bags.” She gave her an exaggerated wink, the room already blurring in her vision.

Jim caught on quick.

“Oh definitely. Let us go and do that, Miss. We are responsible adults who have a big day tomorrow. Let us now leave this establishment. Definitely to get ready to join starfleet.”

“Please.” Lenora gestured to the door. “After you, Miss.”

Jim removed her arms from around Lenora’s waist.

“Mighty kind of you Ma’am, may I suggest we go together?” She held out her arm for Lenora, like a true gentleman. A huge smile on her face.

“Is this bitch bothering you, Ma’am.” They both turned to see cupcake, standing before them with his lackies on either side, right on schedule.

“Nope.” Lenora quickly denied, lacing her fingers with Jims instead of linking arms. “In fact we were just leaving.”

“Later, Cupcake.” Jim saluted him as Lenora dragged her away, having to jog to keep up and not lose her grip on Lenora’s hand. Both giddy with the adrenaline passing through them. Missing completely the amused look Captain Pike had been directing at them when they stumbled past him.

They both took a deep breath of the cool air of the outside world. Fighting the urge to break down into peels of laughter, both losing the fight once they looked at the other. 

  
  


“Where should we go?” Lenora asked, having not really explored any of the town since she arrived.

Jim pulled her over to a bike, “I know a few places.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


They drove around for what had to have been hours, the cold night air easily slipping through Lenora’s jeans as they drove around the town, Jim being so kind as to point out places she’d been beat up.

_ ‘Hey if there had been even just two less of them I woulda won.’ _

_ ‘Sure, Jim.’ _

They drove for so long that Lenora lost all sense of direction, holding on tight to Jim as she wound her way up long dirt roads, rising above the lamp light of the city below them, coming up to a cliff that overlooked the entire town, all the way out to the shipyard on the distance, the lights of the enterprise build blocking out the stars around it.

“We should run away, together.” Jim said, one foot resting on the ground to support the bike.

Lenora felt her heart beat fast in her chest. “Where would we go?”

“We could head out in that direction,” Jim said, pointing east of the shipyard. “Head until we hit the coast, get a nice place on the beach.”

“Be killed by the freak tsunami that hits.”

Jim laughed. “I’d be something way more ridiculous, like. Sudden appearance of quicksand. Like the kind in the old cartoons.”

“Or a mysterious ship would crash landed in our living room, crushing us like bugs”

“Just like the car.”

“Where did that bastard even come from?”

‘Hell if I know.” Jim shrugged. “Ok how ‘bout that way.” She pointed to the north this time.

“Could go until we hit a major city, get an apartment, with a dozen cats, and a thousand house plants covering every surface.”

“And the buildings in the city would mysteriously topple like dominoes, definitely killing us.”

“I thought you were going to go with the classic cats eat us in our sleep.”

“Too obvious, plus they wouldnt do that unless we were already dead.”

“It’s what I would want them to do, if I was dead.”

“Weirdo.” Lenora said. “Personally, I’d want them to be able to escape the apartment and go on with their lives.”

“They have to eat me first, we’d have an understanding.”

“Because you speak to cats?’

“I could, you don't know what hidden talents I could have.”

“True. But I reckon if you could, that would have been your pick up line.” She said easily, “You’da been all  _ ‘Hey baby, they call me the pussy whisperer, wanna find out why _ ?’”

Jim laughed so hard they almost toppled over, maybe sitting on the motorcycle wasn’t their smartest idea. 

Lenora tightened her arms around Jim’s waist, head resting on Jim’s shoulder as they stared at the expanse before them. “Been running away from my problems for months now, doesn’t mean they go away, Jim. Just means they follow you around, wait for you to stop before they attack again.

Jim hummed, leaning her head back against Lenora. “Maybe. You try going up?”

“Up?’

“Y’know. Up.” Jim gestured to the stars. 

“Into space.” Lenora scoffed. “Where there’s nothing around for thousands of light years but the constant threat of death. Stuck in a tin can that's powered by sparkling crystals and false hope.”

“Fuck, you’re morbid.” Jim laughed. “They’re not that bad.”

“Don’t pull my leg, kid. I didn’t even get on the shuttle the other death and it still killed me in the explosion. Now you want me to get on one heading to god knows where.”

“Exactly, we could go absolutely anywhere.”

“Won’t solve our problems though, Jim.” She said softly, pulling her closer, the leather of her jacket cold against where her skin pressed against it. “Plus, I’d never made it past lift off.”

“Yes, I caught onto your fear of flying.”

“It ain’t that simple.” She grumbled. “It's a full on phobia, Jim.”

“How many times have we died together now?”

“I don’t know, about six I’d say.” 

“So what’s one more possible death by shuttle craft. Especially if we get to have an adventure first.”

“Who says we’d even make it that far.”

“Worse that can happen is we end up back in the bar, Bones.”

“No, worse that could happen is that we die. Permanently.”

Jim paused, considering her words. “That’s always possible, yeah.”

Lenora sighed against Jim, pressing her head against Jim’s, hoping her breathing hitting Jim’s neck wasn’t annoying her. She really didnt want to be told to move away.

“We could take it slowly.” Jim finally said. “Try getting on a stationary shuttle, see how that goes. It’s not like you gotta fly the thing either. We can take it as slow as you need. If you wanna try it.”

If you wanna try it.

If.

If.

If.

The words fluttered around Lenora’s skull. If she wanted to try it. Not when. If.

“And if I never want to?” She forced herself to ask.

“Then we don’t, we can go along the X axis instead of the Y. So to speak.” What a ridiculous metaphor.

“Head into the sunset instead of above it.” Lenora tried out her own ridiculous metaphor.

“Yeah that’s the spirit.” Jim laughed gently. 

“. . . You won’t force me?” 

Jim gently turned her upper body around in Lenora’s arms, being careful to keep the bike balanced. A serious expression on her face. “Never. I would never force you.”

Lenora stared into Jim’s eyes, feeling like she was seeing the woman in front of her for the very first time. 

“That’s good.” Lenora felt the urge to break the tension that had built up between them with her question. “Cause I don’t know about you, but your driving’s about all the flying I can handle right now.

It worked, Jim scoffed at her. “I’ll have you know I’m an excellent driver.”

“Thought I was gonna fly off a few times when we were heading up that hill back there.” 

“Is that why you squeezed me so tight?”

“That’s right, I didn’t want to accidently restart our night.” Lenora replied, it was so easy to fall into banter with Jim. Easier that it had ever been with anyone else. “I’m quite happy spending time with you outside the bar. For now. It is getting quite cold though.”

“You only feel that way ‘cause you’re from Georgia.”

“What, you think this is warm?” She asked. “I’ve had midwinter nights warmer than this.

“Yeah that’s because you come from a place whose idea of a warm day would be the apocalypse everywhere else.”

“That’s because you live in a place where, if it were snowing, people would be wearing shorts ‘cause they’d think it’d be the middle of summer.”

“So you’re saying you’re cold.”

“Yes. Freezing. We should go indoors.” Lenora agreed. “In fact, my place is pretty damn warm.”

She could see Jim’s easy smile in the bike's side mirrors.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Lenora took off her jacket, following Jim’s lead and laying down on the bed, pressing herself right up against Jim.

“That looks tender.” Jim trailed a delicate hand along the red skin of Lenora's arm, the flesh still warm from her shower several deaths ago. “What happened with that? Doesn’t look like it’d be from the explosion, or the electrocution.”

“Took a shower while on a neural stabiliser.” She admitted, not sugar coating the truth.

“A neural st- for your panic attacks?” Jim easily put the pieces together. “Isn’t that one of the more extreme measures.”

“Yeah. I know. I helped develop them actually. Been having bad ones ever since I was a kid. And with everything that’s been going on the past few months I just, I’ve gotten a bit reliant on them.”

“Guess there's a good reason they say to only take them if you can lay prone for several hours.”

“Oh yeah, it’s such a relaxant. Could not feel this happening, even the next day when you grabbed me.”

“I wondered why you sounded like you were in pain. Does it still hurt?” 

“Nah, it’s like your face. Only hurt until I died.” 

Jim was less hesitant about putting her hand on the heated flesh, running a soothing hand up and down Lenora's lower arm. “It’s weird that it’s still warm though.”

Lenora shrugged as best she could on her side, “It doesn't bother me.”

“So you’ve been taking them a lot lately, and you keep mentioning you’ve had a bad couple of months.” 

“I do not.”

“Yeah you do, you say it like every other death. It’s one of the first things you said to me ‘I’ve had a hard couple of months and i ain’t in the mood to play nice.’.” Jim said in what Lenora personally though was a bad Georgian accent. 

“It’s a real mess.” She settled on saying.

“You say that a lot too.” Jim was giving her a small smile. “You know a lot about me, I wouldn’t mind hearing a bit about you.”

“It’s not a nice story, kid.”

“Rarely is. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. But I’m more than willing to listen.”

Lenora’s heart felt like it was squeezing in her chest. Jim’s easy smile and bright blue eyes making her want to spill her guts and have her soul weighed in Jim’s hands.

She stopped fighting.

“My daddy. “ She stopped to clear her throat. “He got really sick.” She said slowly, she hadn’t spoken about what went down in months. Hadn’t been sober enough at times to even string the sequence of events together in her head. Hell, she hadn’t even told her own mama what was really going on during the divorce. Scared Jojo would be banned from seeing her, too.

But now, she let the whole sad story spill out, Jim listening without judgement, wrapping an arm around her when she got choked up saying how she’d given her daddy the death he’d been begging her for, how they’d found a cure not even a month later. 

How Jason had used that act of malpractice against her to get his way in the out of the blue divorce he demanded of her- Getting her not only to separate herself entirely from the practice she had built from the ground up, but to force her out of state. Unless every medical ethics board in the federation learnt about her using her license to obtain the drugs used to end her father's life.

How not only would that have ended her career, but ruined all the standing her family had- They would have been barred from any practice thanks to her careless actions.

“I don’t get to see her, my daughter.” Lenora choked out. “She’s only four, She doesn’t know what’s happening. All she knows is that her mama isn’t around. And it kills me. It tears me up inside, Jim. I feel like I can’t breath.”

“That’s not fair.”

“I know it ain’t fair!” She raised her voice. “But I can’t fight him, Jim. Told me if I even try he’ll ruin my family. Can’t do that to my Mama. She’s been through so much.”

“But your girl.”

“She’s better off without me anyways.” Lenora sniffed, blinking rapidly to keep her tears at bay. 

“No. No I don’t believe that for a second.” Jim said fiercely, the hand she had been running up and down Len’s arm coming to grab at her hand, holding it tight. “You are an amazing person, there is not a single timeline that you wouldn’t deserve to be around your baby. You haven’t made any mistakes, ethically questionable? Sure. But not mistakes. You did what was best for your family. And Fucking Jason can’t take that away from you.”

“Just everything else.” She said softly.

“For now.” Jim said, there was a determined look in her eyes, one that screamed that she was ready to fight. A look she was directing straight at her. 

Lenora felt the tears slide down her nose, spilling on the pillow below her as Jim leaned forward, pressing the gentlest of kisses against her face, over and over, trailing down her jaw. Along her nose, the corner of her lips. The first sob left Lenora’s mouth as she lunged forward, crashing her lips against Jim’s 

She felt arms wrap around her, holding her close as she kissed Jim, barely wanting to break away to catch her breath, she knew she was getting tears and snot everywhere, thankful Jim didn’t seem to mind as she kissed her back, meeting her touch for touch and holding her tight.

She fought the urge to rub her face against the pillow as she finally pulled away, surprised when she saw tears in Jim’s eyes as well.

She moved the hand caught between them, reaching up and rubbing away a tear with her thumb. Being gentle as possible with the bruise she had given her several deaths ago. “We’re a mess.”

“Yeah.” Jim smiled, “but that’s ok. I’ve got you. You got me.”

“Yeah.” Lenora felt like her heart was being squeezed. How long would she have this though? How long would she be allowed to stay in Jim’s arms. How many breathes. How many blinks. How long until she was back in that fucking bar, beer sliding down her throat. 

“You’re thinking too hard.” Jim whispered, pressing their foreheads together. “Stop thinking, just be here with me. Be in the moment.”

“It is a beautiful moment.” Or maybe that was just Jim. Lenora conceded. 

“I am gorgeous.” Jim agreed. She must have said that last thought out loud.

“So modest too.” 

“Definitely.” Jim agreed before moving back in for another kiss.

Lenora sighed into the kiss, moving her hand off Jim’s face and wrapping it around her, moving with Jim as she rolled on top of her, putting her whole body on top of her.

Jim pulled back, sitting up, and slipped off the jacket she’d been wearing ever since Lenora first saw her. Throwing it to the side. Lenora reached her hands up, helping Jim take off her shirt, hand sliding around Jim’s back and grasping at the clasp of her bra, a sense of urgency overcoming her. A throbbing want flooding through her.

Jim reached down, pulling Lenora to sit up with Jim in her lap, Grabbing at her clothes and trying to remove them from her body, while not stopping the plethora of kisses she was placing all over her.

She ran her hands over the body in her lap, feeling along the scars that littered Jim’s back, raised up on her skin, the smooth feel of them juxtaposed by the goosebumps breaking out along her flesh, she groaned In Lenora’s ear, pulling her closer. Lenora buried her head against Jim’s neck, kissing at the skin, breathing in the scent of motor oil and soap, along with something that was uniquely Jim.

“Bones.” Jim sighed, lips pressed against her hairline as she pulled her as close as possible, arms wrapped around Len’s shoulders. “Need you, wanna feel all of you.”

“Yeah, yeah darlin’ we can do that.” She agreed, shifting so she could push forward, laying Jim down on her bed, her hair splayed out beneath her like a golden halo. She raised herself up over Jim’s splayed body, pressing their mouths together as she could feel Jim fumbling with the buttons on her jeans- pushing them down her hips as far as she could reach while still kissing Lenora like she would die without it. 

She reached down to help, using her legs to push them off in an ungrateful motion and working on Jim’s as well, throwing the rest of their clothes the same way their shirts had gone. 

She pulled her mouth away from Jim, laughing as Jim tried to keep her there by biting down gently on her bottom lip, lifting herself up on her elbows to follow as well. Lenora pressed wet kisses down along Jim’s neck, hands exploring the warmth below her, body rubbing against Jim’s. 

Their legs tangled together, Jim’s thigh pressing up between Lenora’s legs as she pushed down, rubbing herself against Jim and whimpering against her neck, pressed down and up against Jim as much as possible, writhing against her, hands unable to settle on any one spot, wanting to map the entire expanse of Jim’s body- touch everywhere at once. 

She never wanted to stop, never wanted to be back in that fucking bar. Never wanted to be anywhere but here, with the beautiful flame that was lighting up her dark life just by being present. 

“Bones Bones.” Jim cried out, grabbing at her hair and trying to pull her mouth back up to hers. “Kiss me. Please, kiss me.”

She wouldn’t deny Jim anything. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


They lay tangled together. Having moved under the blankets, listening to the rowdy calls of the cadets that were still awake and haunting the halls outside their room.

Jim was trailing her fingers along Lenora’s upper back, tracing a pattern She was too content to even try and decipher.

“Do you think. . .” Jim spoke up slowly, breaking the silence. “If we agree to join Starfleet. If we get on the shuttle, will this end? Will we be able to move on?”

“Maybe.” She conceded. “I don’t know what’s actually happening. Jennifer.”

Jim made a small noise, burrowing impossible closer to Lenora and putting her face against her neck, pressing gentle kisses to every bit of skin she could reach.

“We should try it, in one of the lifetimes.”

“Yeah. But not this one.”

“Not this one” Jim confirmed, eyes slipping shut as Lenora pulled her closer. Her head tucked in the warm cocoon of her neck, her jaggedly cut hair tickling at Jims nose.

There was nowhere she’d rather be. Fuck starfleet. They were a problem for another time 

On the other side of the room, inside of the hotel's run down air conditioning unit, with clothes haphazardly tossed over it’s vents- wires begin to melt, a spark zaps through the machine, safety protocols began to fail and an odourless gas began to slink around the room.

They never woke up.


	5. Chapter 5

The beer that Lenora was growing fond of made it’s bubbly way down her tongue, lips caressing the tip of the bottle as she moved it back down to the bar, setting it down softly and looking around for Jim.

Her eyes found her straight away, walking towards her from the right side of the room.

“I never realised you approached from the right.” She commented as Jim walked around her, leaning casually against the bar on her left.

“I was checking you out the moment I stepped into the room, bones.” Jim gave her the same lecherous look as always, somehow appearing more fond then perverted however. “Double shot of whiskey for me and the fine lady, Morrison.” She called out to the bartender.

“Is that so.” She stepped closer into Jim’s personal space, eyes leaving hers briefly to signal down the bartender and order their standard drinks. “Are you gonna pay for a ladies drink too?”

“Only if the lady doesn’t mind it being on me.” Jim ran her fingers up along Len’s jaw bone, before tucking a stay piece of jagged hair behind her ear. “And later, if the lady doesn't mind being . . . On me.”

“That was terrible. How do you ever manage to pick anyone up here.”

“It’s worked on you a few times.”

“It’s barely worked once!” She denied while being able to feel her cheeks darken. “For all you know last night was a fluke and I’m actually very hard to get into bed.”

Jim raised a single eyebrow at her, easy smile on her lips. Damn her.

“Speaking of last night. We died again.” Jim pointed out the obvious. 

“Seems to be becoming a habit of ours.” Lenora lamented.

“Seems like it.” They sipped at their whiskeys. Content to ignore the goings on around them. 

“Hey Jim.”

“Yeah, Bones?”

“We died.” She gazed into the eyes of the women she’d only know a few days, but felt like she’d known for a lifetime. 

“We did. You have a thing for establishing facts.” It sounded like an insult, but Jim looked amused while saying it. Lenora chose to ignore it. 

“You reckon, maybe this is the lifetime we join up with starfleet?”

Jim smiled at her. Tongue darting out to lick at her lips before biting the lower one with her teeth. “I’m game if you are.”

“Worst thing that could happen is we die again.”

“And if that happens we’ll just meet up back here.”

“And best case scenario we live to see the next night.”

Jim raised her hand, having to lean back a bit to do so. “Deal.”

Bones shook her hand. “Deal.”

Jim leaned back in, linking her fingers with bones and pressing a soft kiss to her lips. 

“How did it all go that first night?”

“You got your head beat in by cupcake and then Pike beat some emotional sense into you.”

“I feel like you're forgetting a few facts there.” Jim argued, pulling her close again with an arm around her waist.

“Nope that’s exactly how it went.”

“No, no I distinctly remember that you were definitely wet and ready for me.” Jim pushed her leg between Lenora’s rubbing along the inseam of her pants as she moved in as close as possible. “And I was totally impressing you by kicking the shit outta a group of guys.”

“Barely a group.”

“There were like ten guys.”

“Oh three at best. Plus I helped. A bit.” 

“That’s right. I had you wet and already screaming my name.” Jim leaned in, nose trailing against Len’s jaw, She could feel Jim’s lips against her skin as she said the words, moving to her mouth. “We could probably skip all that and get to the fun part, were I drag you back to mine and use my tongu-“

“Is this bitch bothering you, ma’am?”

“Right on time.” Jim mumbled against Lenora’s lips, pulling back to give cupcake a smile.

“Does it look like I’m bothering her?” Jim asked sarcastically.

“Looks like you’re sticking your tongue where it doesn’t belong.” Hendorff said, aggressive as always. “I don’t think she wants your hands on her, Jennifer.”

“How would you know where she doesn’t want my tongue, or my hands. Have you asked her?” 

“I’m quite fond of her tongue.” Bones unlaced their fingers, leaning back and away from Jim. “And from what I’ve heard, Chloe’s pretty fond of it too.”

“It’s a good ride.” Jim smirked at her, throwing in a wink. “I’ll show you later.”

Hendorff reached forward, as usual, grabbing the front of Jim’s shirt.

“One would almost think you knew he was going to do that, bones.” Jim said casually, paying him no attention as she kept her eyes on Lenora.

“Just didn’t want to hurt my fingers before we got started.”

“Funny. That’s what I said to Chloe the other ni-“

Hendorff let go of the front of Jim’s shirt and punched her across the face, causing her to fly backwards into the bar. Catching herself quickly Jim pushed herself forward, using the momentum to slam her fist in the side of his face.

He spat out blood, his friends wasted no time rushing forward and joining in the fight. Jim pushing one of them away and towards her at the bar.

She didn’t get out of the way this time either. Grabbing her trusty beer from the counter she slammed it against his head, giving him a good kick at the same time to shove him over the bar stools.

“That's the best you got?” Jennifer mocked as she kicked Hendorff in the crotch. Causing him to double over in pain as she turned around, catching the fist of the other friend and twisting it, forcing him to his knees. 

Lenora grabbed the one chair that was still standing, lifting it up and slamming it over the man as Jim jumped back, clapping as she cheered loudly, Lenora gave her a mock bow.

They both missed as Cupcake grabbed hold of Jim’s ankle and pulled her down. Lunging forward and punching her in the face as he struggled back to his feet, the awkward motion almost disguising how he lifted his foot too high, his intent to step on her only clear to them because of having previously lived through it.

Lenora went to dart forward, throwing the broken bits of chair out of her hands. An arm wrapped around her middle, tossing her backwards like a rag doll and over a table, she slid along it, bringing down the glasses with her as she crashed back down to the floor. Her arm just couldn’t seem to catch a break, bits of glass sticking out of it like fucked up piercings. She was going to have a phobia of glass after all this was over.

She jumped up, glass cutting into her palm as she jumped out of the way of the man who had thrown her, successfully dodging his attack to do one of her own.

Her adrenaline soaked brain chose the classic move, one that she’s sure Jim was never going to let her live down. She tackled him, being careful to grab the front of his shirt on the way down, using the momentum she pulled his chest up, only to slam him back to the ground, his head cracking dangerously. She raised her fists, knowing her actions had no real consequences, and began raining her fists down on his head, forcing him to try and block her.

There was a small voice in her head, one that sounded suspiciously like her first year anatomy professors back at ole miss. Telling her to knock the bastard out with a hit to the jaw and go and help her friend already.

She drew her fist back high, never one to disobey an instructor and began to bring it down, aiming for the exposed area the dumbass wasn’t even thinking to block.

Captain Pike’s obnoxiously loud whistle rang through the air, feeling like it was piercing her poor eardrums. Again.

“-out.” Was all she heard this time as the guy she was on top of kicked her off. She looked round frantically for Jim, seeing her spread prone over a table, again. She winced in sympathy, silently promising herself to do better the next time they relieved this fight.

“You can whistle really loudly, d’y’know that.” Jim’s slurred voice was not a good sign. Lenora picked herself off the ground, stumbling over to help Jim off the table as the sea of red around them scurried out of the exit.

“So I’ve been told.” He sounded amused, face still however in it’s hard mask. Probably thinking he wasn’t giving anything away. “Why don’t you and your friend take a seat, I’ll be with you in a moment.” Jim gave him a mock salute. Graciously putting her arm around Lenora as she helped her onto her feet.

“D’ya want ice from the coke or the whiskey?”

“You say coke for pop? My how different our cultures are.” Jim teased her, spitting out some blood on the floor before giving her a smile.

“What are you on about?” Lenora wondered if Jim had managed to get a concussion.

“That’s clearly Mountain Dew. Not Coke.” Jim started to explain. Not caring for the fact that Lenora was rolling up napkins and trying to shove them up her nose. “So either you’ve gone colour blind, or you call all pop coke.”

“Yeah I gu-“

“Like a heathen.” 

Lenora stopped to glare at Jim. Not letting the smile that wanted to split out across her tender face happen even as Jim began to laugh, the sound one of pure joy. God she could get use to that, even if it was because of a stupid thing like coke.

Jim stopped laughing, however, once she pressed the ice that had been in the whiskey to the swollen side of her face.

“Ow, bones.” Jim whined, not caring for her claims that it would disinfect the wound. 

They were so lost in their own little world they almost missed Pike sitting across from them, a contemplative look on his face.

“Y’know I couldn’t believe it when the bartender told me who you are.” 

‘Oh. And who I am, Captain Pike?“ 

“Your mother's daughter.”

Jim flinched beside her, mouth open in shock. No longer trying to dodge Lenora’s helping hands.

“She used to get into these kinda fights at your age, too. Always managed to cajole people into helping her.” He winked at Lenora.

“Know her well did you?” Jim went back to her defensive speech, having clearly not expected the conversation to go this way. “Why are you talking to me man.”

“Cause I looked up your file while your girl here was shoving napkins up your nose. Your aptitude tests are off the charts. So what is it? You like being the only genius level repeat offender in the Midwest?”

“Maybe I love it.”

“You don’t.” Lenora cut in. Turning to look back at Jim. “Captain Pike. You think Jim here would be a good fit for starfleet, don’t you.” She wasn’t asking a question, already ready to get out of this damn bar and get on with their night. Her hands in tight fists on the table in front of her. The adrenaline from the fight wasn’t leaving her system fast enough, leaving her feeling aggressive and shaky.

Pike looked impressed. “I do.” They ignored Jim’s snort, then subsequent wince. “I think you both would, Dr. McCoy.”

Pike narrowed his eyes at her, contemplative look back on his face. “We’ve tried to recruit you before.”

“I know. I was there.” They’d approached her back when her father was dying. At the time she’d called them a slew of very unkind words. 

Pike nodded at her, looking back at Jim.

“Y’know your father was a hero, saved hundreds of lives including you and your mothers.” Pike reached across the table and stole the rest of Jim’s drink. Chucking it back and letting the liquid slide down his throat in the smoothest move Lenora had still ever seen. “I dare the both of you to do better.”

“Shuttle for new recruits leaves at-“

“Oh eight hundred. We’ll be there.” Lenora interrupted before Jim could. They heard Pike laugh as he left, head shaking but not looking back.

  
  


“ C’mon.” Jim pulled her out of the chair. “Let’s go to your place this time. I promise there will be no fires, or heavy objects falling on you.”

“Can’t promise the same thing.” Lenora said seriously, throwing her arm around Jim’s shoulders. “You did promise me a ride on that fantastic tongue of yours.”

Jim wrapped her arm around Lenora's waist, squeezing her tight and proceeding to tell her just how many filthy things she could do to her with her tongue as they made their quick escape. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jim Kirk woke up in a rush, pike’s words from last night pounding away in her skull.

‘I dare you to do better.’

‘I dare you’

‘Dare’

She threw herself out of bed, throwing on the clothes from last night, ignoring how it pulled at the scabbed over wounds on her face and ran out of the room. No time for a shower, no time to remove all the blood or stale alcohol on her skin.

Shuttle leaves at eight sharp, after all.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Sunlight filtered through the open window of Lenora’s hotel room. Disturbing her sleep. She threw the pillow over her head, rippling out strands of her long hair in the process as it got tangled on her ridiculously big wedding ring. She needed to send the thing back to Jason already, it was more trouble than it was worth. 

Sitting up and grunting against the pounding in her head Lenora called for the blinds to close. Grunting in frustration when the shitty hotel's computer system ignored her. 

Or maybe it wasn’t working. You get what you paid for with these places.

The holo feed playing on the wall told her it had barely passed six in the morning. She needs to close the fucking blinds. Maybe she could squeeze in a few more hours until . . . 

Until what? Where was she going to go next?

The money wasn’t going to last much longer. No matter how cheap her lodgings were, or the alcohol she drowned herself in every night.

Speaking of, Lenora reached for the half finished bottle on her bedside table, chucking the rest of the flat beer down in a handful of swallows.

Wrinkling her nose at the thought that it would be better if it was bubbly.

There was an insistent pounding on her hotel door.

‘Shuttle leaves at eight sharp bro, we gotta go!’

“Wrong room, dumbass.” She yelled back. Fucking dumbass. If she hadn’t already been awake that would have enraged her to no end.

As it was, it just made her feel . . . Empty. Like she was forgetting something. Her brain keeps looping the words ‘shuttle leaves at eight’ like a mantra, pounding it against her skull like it was trying to embed it. 

She’d talked to a recruiter a few days ago, accidently of course, and she knew that that particular shuttle craft was for new recruits. And she knew, since the man had shouted it out at her retreating back, that it didn’t matter if she’d signed up beforehand- they accepted walk ons.

But that was crazy. What would she even do at the academy? 

Joining starfleet was a pipe dream for military raised brats and doe eyes civilians that didn’t know any better. She was too old to hold such a fantasy. Wasn’t she?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jim Kirk tossed the keys of her stolen bike at the gapping man before her. 

“Four years?” She said to a smirking Captain Pike. “I’ll do it in three.”

She missed him shaking his head in amusement as she climbed into the shuttle, looking around at the sea of cadet reds infront of her, smirking at the assholes who’d had the balls to pick a fight with her the night before and taking a seat across from the beautiful cadet she’d been so close to picking up the night before.

“Never did catch that first name.”

The woman tried to hide her smile, rolling her eyes. 

Jim would give it a month -tops- before she had Uhura in her bed.

A commotion from the bathroom drew her and everyone else’s attention as a woman was dragged out by a pissed off looking lieutenant 

“I don’t need a doctor, dammit I am a doctor”

“You need to get back to your seat.”

“I had one, in the bathroom with no windows.” The haggard looking woman argued, gesturing almost violently at the room they had just exited.

The lieutenant continued to push the woman forward. “Ma’am, you need to sit down, for your own safety.”

“I suffer from aviophobia. Do you know what that is? It’s a fear of flying.”

“Ma’am, take your seat.”

“I already had one, if you’d just let me go back.”

The woman shoved the civilian away from the doors “Sit down, or else I’ll make you sit down.”

Jim Cringed internally when she realised the only seat was next to her, which the women threw herself down in. She looked either a few seconds away from puking or passing out. 

“I may throw up on you.” She rolled her head to the left, facing Jim. That answered that question.

“I think these things are pretty safe.” She tried to reassure her.

“Don’t pander to me kid.” The disgruntled woman said to her, “One tiny crack in the hull and our blood boils in an instant. Solar flair might crop up and cook us in our seats.”

“Safety protocols could disengage and shoot us all out into the black?” Jim offered sarcastically.

“Could happen. Safety protocols have been known to break down.” She pulled a flask out of her jacket, taking a huge swig before offering it to Jim.

“Hate to tell you this, but starfleet operates in space.” She happily took the alcohol.

“You think I don’t know that.” The candidate for her new best friend said sarcastically. “I had nowhere else to go, ex took to the whole planet in the divorce. All I got left is my bones.

“Plus. . . I had a good feeling about this shuttle.”

Jim sipped on the flask that was passed back to her. “A good feeling, huh.”

“Don’t quote me on that.” She grumbled at Jim’s teasing. “This damn hunk of junk could still kill us. Horrifically.”

“Let’s hope your good feeling’s trustworthy then.”

Bones raised the flask in a mock salute to her words, before tossing back the rest.

They were going to be the best of friends. Jim would make sure of it.

**Author's Note:**

> I can’t believe I actually managed to get this one posted. It kicked my ass and made me so sad at times I couldn’t write for ages after. But I absolutely adore it. 
> 
> I do feel it could be better, in the original draft there was a lot more parts that probably would have made it about three times the length. But in the end I just wanted to be able to get it out of my head. 
> 
> This will definitely be one of the fics that I come back to in the future when I feel I can better express complex ideas. And I you have read to this point thank you so much ❤️ If you have an advice on reworking this or want to point out parts that didn’t make sense it’s more than welcome


End file.
